Random thought:
Did you know Uncle Phil from Fresh Price of Bel-Air also voiced Shredder from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
I know. It disturbed me also.
-
Kaka... wha?
I came to the conclusion while at class this afternoon that this bird doesn't receive enough love. It's one of the most rarest and unique (and by unique I mean unique) and under-populated species of animals currently on our planet. Why is it nearly extinct you ask? Well, that's a very good question my friend. Mother Nature's agenda probably had pages ripped out in the Kakapo section that would inherit this bird with distinctive characteristics allowing its eternal survival within the animal kingdom. Actually, scratch that agenda accusation. I'm pretty sure Mother Nature just decided to team up with Karma, God, Father Time, Murphy's Law, Fate and Irony to gang beat the hell out of any chance this bird would outlive our stay on earth.
There used to literally be millions of these birds.
There's roughly roughly 86 left in the entire world.
HOW? WHY?!
They aren't poached (well, knowing their luck they probably are and made into carpets or pillows or something). But right now as far as I understand it - it's just a case of really, really bad luck. I always thought I held the crown, scepter and throne for absolute worst luck in the world. I mean, even a few days ago I sold a few items on eBay. The people who had purchased them from me had paid me through PayPal overnight while I was asleep (Wednesday) so I shipped them on Thursday morning. I decided to walk to the post office instead of drive since it was pretty nice out that day.
So, I grabbed my .mp3 player and left the house.
Walking there, I walked by these two construction workers. I looked around and I wasn't in any kind of construction zone. There were no heavy machines, no obvious tools like jackhammers laying about, no road signs or anything. I glanced back at both and both were just loitering around so I continued on walking. Guns N' Roses was on - "14 years" which I encourage everyone to download as fast as they can after reading this. As I passed them at almost face to face distance, he sort of waved at me. I didn't respond, he waved some more and I still didn't respond and then he lunged forward and pushed me.
I took off my headphones and quickly asked what his problem was. He told me he was trying to flag me down I had just stepped over two steel plates that they hadn't secured into the ground yet which were covering a 20-ft hole they had just dug that morning to prepare in the next few days to replace and fix some pipes underneath the roads and ground. I was like... wow. God must have died this morning since he just missed one hell of a chance to take me. Case in point: I am unlucky (unless I'm walking over twenty foot holes, apparently.)
But the Kakapo sports such inherent features such as:
*drumroll*
- Body mass! I'm sure if they had egos they would be the size of their BMI. Currently, they are the heaviest known parrot ever discovered and currently within our world (they weigh on average 8-10 lbs). This alone isn't too cool, but it sets up the next fact.
- The Kakapo is the only flightless and nocturnal parrot in the world - not to mention their wings are nearly vestigial. Kakapos can't fly, they can't escape harnessing the power of flight and even worse - they stay up all night. As luck would have it - some of their predators (opossums) are also nocturnal. They're basically a slow motion, giant turkey sandwich once night falls, and during the day when their other predators are wide awake, hungry and angry - a slow motion, giant sleeping turkey sandwich.
- If that's not bad enough, most of their predators are also flightless. So, the Kakapo, other than their fattest bird in the world title, have at their disposal - camouflage! Actually, it can't really camouflage productively like a chameleon. It can only hope to use its bright green feathering to hide in nearby surroundings. If they're lucky enough to escape - being the fattest bird in the world probably makes those runaway chases hard to pull off - not to mention actually hiding someplace inconspicuous afterward.
Does this look like a successful camouflage to you?
Pretty sure he ended up as someones lunch.
Unfortunately their unlucky combination doesn't end there.
- Kakapo birds are polygamists by nature. You know those 401 children who were recently seized from that polygamist compound in Texas? Dale Barlow, if reincarnation exists, would definitely be a Kakapo in his next lifetime.
- Well, maybe not. They also breed on average every 3-5 years, making them probably the most monogamous polygamists in existence. Also known as not Dale Barlow.
- IT CAN ALSO LIVE UP TO/OVER 90 YEARS. 90 years! I feel sorry for them. I really do, even living :28 seconds in the above environment must suck. I imagine also if they do manage to live for 20, 30, 40 years old age starts to set in and they become even more sluggish. I know this is a bit morbid predicting this here and now, but I'll also assume it applies on this point as well: definitely Dale Barlow.
- It's strictly herbivorous and eats fruit only. (I know that one's not THAT bad. I'm just getting tired of that vegan power forever and ever thing going on right now).
But I won't even write a sarcastic synopsis for these guys.
You can simply learn about them here:
As it will be the best 1:19 of your entire life.
Did you know Uncle Phil from Fresh Price of Bel-Air also voiced Shredder from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
I know. It disturbed me also.
-
Kaka... wha?
I came to the conclusion while at class this afternoon that this bird doesn't receive enough love. It's one of the most rarest and unique (and by unique I mean unique) and under-populated species of animals currently on our planet. Why is it nearly extinct you ask? Well, that's a very good question my friend. Mother Nature's agenda probably had pages ripped out in the Kakapo section that would inherit this bird with distinctive characteristics allowing its eternal survival within the animal kingdom. Actually, scratch that agenda accusation. I'm pretty sure Mother Nature just decided to team up with Karma, God, Father Time, Murphy's Law, Fate and Irony to gang beat the hell out of any chance this bird would outlive our stay on earth.
There used to literally be millions of these birds.
There's roughly roughly 86 left in the entire world.
HOW? WHY?!
They aren't poached (well, knowing their luck they probably are and made into carpets or pillows or something). But right now as far as I understand it - it's just a case of really, really bad luck. I always thought I held the crown, scepter and throne for absolute worst luck in the world. I mean, even a few days ago I sold a few items on eBay. The people who had purchased them from me had paid me through PayPal overnight while I was asleep (Wednesday) so I shipped them on Thursday morning. I decided to walk to the post office instead of drive since it was pretty nice out that day.
So, I grabbed my .mp3 player and left the house.
Walking there, I walked by these two construction workers. I looked around and I wasn't in any kind of construction zone. There were no heavy machines, no obvious tools like jackhammers laying about, no road signs or anything. I glanced back at both and both were just loitering around so I continued on walking. Guns N' Roses was on - "14 years" which I encourage everyone to download as fast as they can after reading this. As I passed them at almost face to face distance, he sort of waved at me. I didn't respond, he waved some more and I still didn't respond and then he lunged forward and pushed me.
I took off my headphones and quickly asked what his problem was. He told me he was trying to flag me down I had just stepped over two steel plates that they hadn't secured into the ground yet which were covering a 20-ft hole they had just dug that morning to prepare in the next few days to replace and fix some pipes underneath the roads and ground. I was like... wow. God must have died this morning since he just missed one hell of a chance to take me. Case in point: I am unlucky (unless I'm walking over twenty foot holes, apparently.)
But the Kakapo sports such inherent features such as:
*drumroll*
- Body mass! I'm sure if they had egos they would be the size of their BMI. Currently, they are the heaviest known parrot ever discovered and currently within our world (they weigh on average 8-10 lbs). This alone isn't too cool, but it sets up the next fact.
- The Kakapo is the only flightless and nocturnal parrot in the world - not to mention their wings are nearly vestigial. Kakapos can't fly, they can't escape harnessing the power of flight and even worse - they stay up all night. As luck would have it - some of their predators (opossums) are also nocturnal. They're basically a slow motion, giant turkey sandwich once night falls, and during the day when their other predators are wide awake, hungry and angry - a slow motion, giant sleeping turkey sandwich.
- If that's not bad enough, most of their predators are also flightless. So, the Kakapo, other than their fattest bird in the world title, have at their disposal - camouflage! Actually, it can't really camouflage productively like a chameleon. It can only hope to use its bright green feathering to hide in nearby surroundings. If they're lucky enough to escape - being the fattest bird in the world probably makes those runaway chases hard to pull off - not to mention actually hiding someplace inconspicuous afterward.
Does this look like a successful camouflage to you?
Pretty sure he ended up as someones lunch.
Unfortunately their unlucky combination doesn't end there.
- Kakapo birds are polygamists by nature. You know those 401 children who were recently seized from that polygamist compound in Texas? Dale Barlow, if reincarnation exists, would definitely be a Kakapo in his next lifetime.
- Well, maybe not. They also breed on average every 3-5 years, making them probably the most monogamous polygamists in existence. Also known as not Dale Barlow.
- IT CAN ALSO LIVE UP TO/OVER 90 YEARS. 90 years! I feel sorry for them. I really do, even living :28 seconds in the above environment must suck. I imagine also if they do manage to live for 20, 30, 40 years old age starts to set in and they become even more sluggish. I know this is a bit morbid predicting this here and now, but I'll also assume it applies on this point as well: definitely Dale Barlow.
- It's strictly herbivorous and eats fruit only. (I know that one's not THAT bad. I'm just getting tired of that vegan power forever and ever thing going on right now).
At least they were born cute, perhaps the only upside they have so far.
I'm trying to decide which is worse, the Kakapo or the VOLCANO RABBIT.
I know what you're thinking. Yes they are INSANELY cute but sadly no - he doesn't leave trails of magma, death and destruction behind him as he frolics happily through fields, nor does he shoot fireballs from his eyes every time he blinks. The Volcano Rabbit like the Kakapo is also another critically endangered species. The Volcano Rabbit, as you may have guessed, yep, lives on top of the slopes of volcanoes. Call it a hunch here but I don't think you have to look much deeper than the Volcano Rabbit's name to discover exactly the reason why they're going extinct in this brain buster of a mystery.
At least they both aren't as unlucky as the Myotonic Goat:
But I won't even write a sarcastic synopsis for these guys.
You can simply learn about them here:
As it will be the best 1:19 of your entire life.
Comments
Again FUCKING HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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