#81 [random] And you thought The Joker's mind was demented?

Random thought:

Apparently people are protesting the new movie "Tropic Thunder" because it uses words such as "retard" very tastelessly. I'm all for that, I think it's pretty annoying for the most part when people use the word so carelessly.. but. I don't understand the protesters.

Imparato called the movie "tasteless" and said it was "offensive start to finish."

"I have a sense of humor," said Imparato.

"There were parts of the movie where I laughed,

Stiller: Retard!
Imparato: Well that's just offensive.
*Filipino platoon officer is shot in the head*
Imparato: HAHAHA

(???!)

So, how do those morals work exactly...?

-

One of my friends and I had lunch this afternoon. I really needed the break. I'm kinda stressed with school starting in less than two weeks and trying to juggle a full time job in the mix again. She mentioned though one of her school girl crushes way back in the 90's was the ever so famous Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Don't laugh, I know the girls reading this LOVED him too. I'm sure you all had posters of his on your wall and other junk at the time that was marketed with his face on it. It was all girls ever talked about on the playground "oh he's so hot!!!" boy wise - exception maybe being that Cory kid from Boy Meets World. "It's so embarrassing" she blurted out afterward. That's embarrassing..? JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS was embarrassing? I will show you embarrassing.

I present you, probably my five biggest crushes I had around grade six-ish (give or take):

*drumroll*

Rolling in at number 5..

5. "Kelly Kapowski" / Tiffany Thiessen.



I have the balls to admit it. I used to watch the show "Saved by the Bell" sometimes more like everyday before school after school. I'll reluctantly admit as well.. I remember the intricate plots of some of the episodes such as Screech and his secret spaghetti sauce, his out of this world robot and out of his world room .. when Zack and him made Kelly's face red right before homecoming.. Jessie's "drug" problem, oh dear God. I remember The Hot Sundaes. You know what? I think that's it. I'm just going to go have a sex change now. This, was like the final straw. The last shred of dignity and masculinity I was clinging onto was just thrown out the window. At least I'm not alone though. I'm pretty sure at the time damn near everyone with male sex organs found her hot and who can blame them? Judging by the nearly illegal photographs the men in charge of marketing & public relations took of her while the show was still in syndication (she would have been like.. 15 above there?) it left probably a lot of young boys, well..

Running away with their imaginations.. and rightly so!

Rolling in at number 4..

4. "Julie [The Cat] Gaffney" / Colombe Jacobsen.



If you think this one is surprising at least hold onto your hats until I'm down to number three. What can I say though? even if it was from a movie marketed at twelve year olds she is probably every Canadian's fantasy girl. Yes, we love hockey that much that we would completely devote our lives into worshiping a girl who not only can understand the game but play it too for the rest of our lives. The fact that she could actually skate made her about three thousand times more appealing than all the other girls in the world. There's just something about a chick who doesn't completely ignore sports like hockey that's sexy. When you can actually talk to them on a deeper level about the game and get back answers other than "Oh yeah, Jarret Stoll is so hot." Yeah I'll admit it, our Oilers are a pretty good looking bunch considering most of the people who play in the NHL (except maybe Hemsky. Sorry Hemsky!) but when I wanna talk hockey I wanna talk hockey. I wanna talk history about the game and players, I wanna talk trades, statistics, GM's, the most recent plays. I don't need to know who you find the most physically attractive on our cities team. And the fact she was able to slap shot with such finesse and skill (I mean, come on. We've all seen the usual girl slap shot that kinda looks like if you held a broom above your head and just swung it down at the floor) prompted the creation of all kinds of amazing bedroom fantasies.

I know, I know. I can't believe I just wrote that either.

Rolling in at number 3..

3. "Pink"



Ok. So I deliberately tried to find the most masculine picture of her on the internet because I don't understand why I was so fond of her at the time. She is the anti-Viagra, an erection scarecrow and EVERYTHING I possibly hate in women all wrapped up in one little (not so neat) package.. and yet still. I loved her. I hate the short lesbian hair. I hate the giant hoop ghetto earrings. I hate the muscular undertones. I hate the back tattoos. I hated THE MOHAWK. AND STILL I WAS FUCKING ATTRACTED TO HER. I blame the weird mystique and stigma she has when appearing in her videos, mainly "Let's get this party started" they showed on MTV all the time back then. When she actually dresses up like a girl, even with the weird and short lesbian hair she looks.. half passable. Specifically, at 1:29. I dunno. I guess I just dig the punker girl look sometimes.

Still... I can do worse. A lot worse.

Rolling in at number 2..

2. "Batgirl" / Alicia Silverstone.

I swear to God, Christ on his cross that I never even liked her before I saw that movie as a kid. Something about her as Batgirl made her sexy. Was it the leather that hugged her curves? I hope so, otherwise I might have to go back and edit that "I swear I don't have a Batman fetish.." title I made a while back. The really sad part about this one is I literally can't think of any movies or shows before Batman I liked her in. I just remember coming home from the theater and thinking: "WOW she's so hot!"

And looking back on that now...



I have absolutely NO idea what the hell I was thinking.

And #1..

1. "Emily" / Nicole Lyn.



She actually wasn't bad.. wasn't being the key word there. I think she's one of the endless celebrities that pumped their faces full of botox or something as if you look up recent pictures of her she's changed so much. She had such a beautiful smile also. So what was so wrong with her that she ranks #1? She was on probably the worst show ever. Oh yeah, even worse than "Saved by the Bell". It had worse acting, worse plot lines, worse scripts -- even a more horrible laugh track. I don't think it ever aired outside of Canada..



.. but, consider yourselves lucky in that case if you've never heard of "Student Bodies".

See Jodie? Now this is embarrassing.

BATGIRL.

I MEAN COME ON.