Random thought:
Can you imagine being a hemophiliac and hemophobic?
"OH GOD BLOOD".
"OH GOD I CAN'T STOP BLEEDING".
"OH GOD MORE BLOOD!"
-
So, hi there.
My name is David.
I'm currently student taking my Bachelor of Arts (with education transfer). I'm not really sure why I decided to create this yet. I've always been pretty creative due to inherently acquiring the genes I suppose of wanting to immediately verbalize my thoughts the moment I think them. I always have something to say whether or not it actually contributes to society. I figured I'd make one of these to post my random musings. I'm not really sure how to describe my sense of humour. I'm part the brain child of David Chapelle and Chris Rock if they could have kids. Very offensive and often awkward socially. Oh yeah, don't forget part that Guinness book of world records guy who sports the record for having the worlds first prosthetic face since (at times) I am very tasteless.
I'm sure a lot of people reading this already know or stalk me. So for those who don't and want to start up on either, I suppose I'll start of by posting some pictures of myself despite not having socially engaged anyone here yet in anyway. I'll try to include captions below each photo that will give hopefully a better understanding of my hobbies while trying to pull away from the disturbing fact you're staring at a complete stranger.
Drugs.
Drugs.
Some definite drug use here.
Probable drugs.
I think here I was just standing in the snow..
ACTUALLY I wasn't really on drugs. Though I wish I had been since the last picture was taken just outside of the MUTTART CONSERVATORY. It's an apparent attraction in Edmonton until which a few months back during the winter I had no idea actually existed here. Which by the way if you're ever in Edmonton (which you should never be here period) never make plans to check out. Some friends asked me if i wanted to go with them and I thought hm... conservatory, sounds kind of like they stash dead bodies in there, or something. I said "sure!" I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It's almost like a wild life preserve (without the actual.. animal wildlife which I think we can all agree makes a place such as that tolerable) where in a bunch of indoor glass pyramids they have all these different habitual environments setup. Some are setup to look like Arizona/Texas deserts and so forth with real plants native to their real environments.
Highlights included:
And,
The average age in there aside from us had to be about 79. It was pretty brutal.
I live in Edmonton and for those who don't know where that is - I'll try my best here to describe just exactly what it's like. In CANADA we have the second largest land mass in the entire world. We have a massive 9,976,140 m² of spacious, spacious love - roughly 19 of those m² containing either people or tourist attractions that are actually entertaining. The rest of CANADA can be comparable to space. CANADA is more or less a gigantic empty void virtually inhabited by human life.
You know those jolly jumpers? Yeah. Those baby contraptions unsuspecting and naive parents jam their kids into and then regrettably after filming their first few cute jumps in it turn around and use the exact same video footage at their funeral two days later as a video montage to their life? That's probably the best invention to ever come out of Canada. Second place (and exception possibly being) Pizza Pizza telephone computer delivery services. Quick! can you name anything Edmonton is known for worldwide?
I didn't think so. We had Gretzky. Gretzky was probably one of the best sports icons of our lifetime. He played for our hockey team two decades ago, and since he was sold/traded, we haven't won a Stanley Cup since. Our team barely ever makes the playoffs and is pretty much the laughing stock of the NHL - so forget cheering for the hometown team. We are home to West Edmonton Mall - which houses something like 300+ stores and a indoor skating arena/water park. I think it's the third largest mall in the world. Sounds good... right? Wrong! It's not like they're 300 unique to that mall-only stores. They're 300 stores you've probably already been to in your life. So, if you stopped by Macy's and Ambercrombie & Fitch on the way home AND say jumped in a mud puddle and wet yourself up a bit (indoor water park remember! don't rip that out of context) you would have done enough to rival any joy our mall would bring you.
At any given time you could stroll on downtown and probably find at least 34 discarded syringes - and that's just near a bus stop. Venture down four or five blocks and you could probably find enough to start up your very own hospital. In our downtown sector during afternoon hours - no one is sober. The only guys you see walking around are drunks dressed as Captain Jack while sipping Captain Jack out of a paper bag. And the only guys we do have in business suits there are frantically running to their car trying to unlock the doors because they're afraid of DYING. If you survive long enough to experience the seasonal changes in Edmonton you might experience something like this each year:
Spring - rain. (+tornado & tornado warnings).
Summer - rain. (+tornado & tornado warnings).Fall - snow. (+tornado & tornado warnings).
Winter - snow. (+tornado & tornado warnings).
Please notice how "sun" is absent.
This last winter it hit an all time low here. -48 Celsius (and another day it was -46 Celsius). Apparently, -46 is -50.8 Fahrenheit. And -48 Celsius is -54.4 Fahrenheit. I don't know if that's accurate because I had to look that up online. I doubt anywhere else is used to that extremity of cold. Or not so much the extremity, but the fluctuation of. WE ARE IMMERSED IN SNOW SO MUCH EACH YEAR I AM NOT ENTIRELY SURE I EVEN KNOW WHAT A TREE LOOKS LIKE. Our summers here, sometimes you need a parka to step outside. Yet the day after if you stay out too long you'll most likely seizure from heat strokes. Unlike America and its obesity/underage pregnancy problems kids here aren't parents by the age of 14, but I read in the paper not even two weeks ago 48% of Canadians aged 12 and over get less than 1 hour of exercise per week. How sexy is that? Though, I only throw that fact in here as I'm sure that also contributes to why we don't have many 14 year old parents running around.
Local food and etiquette is questionable at best here. We have this annual "Heritage Festival" where everyone from their native countries cooks up and serves their native homeland foods. The last time our town held it I kid you not - someone was stabbed there. One of my friends made a joke saying the French food hut was probably setup right beside the English. Sadly he was probably right. Know what's worse? I don't think we have any foods specific to Edmonton. In places like Hawaii you could probably walk out into your front yard and down the block and eat twenty different kinds of fruit that exclusively grow there. Out in my front yard we have... pine cones.
Oh yeah. And... more pine cones.
We're starting to become a "big city" like Detroit though our population is still about one million. Originally I spent a large part of my life growing up around a lake called "Pigeon Lake", and a small town called "Thorsby". That town when I lived there had a population of perhaps, 1000. You could leave your wallet on your dashboard with your car keys, house keys, your parent's memorabilia (such as, first hair cut hair on a white platter, first stuffed animal) and your own first born and really any other valuable items you could possibly think of yours or not - and someone would actually break into the car just to drive it back to your house and return everything. It was that safe there all the time.
A few days ago - three blocks away from the aforementioned mall some guy was murdered, and they stuffed his body in his car and lit it on fire.
Then the car and his bodily remains exploded.
So... there's a bit of a everyone-knows-and-loves-and-embraces-each-other difference in this city compared to good ol' Thorsby.
Our law system is... well non-existent. Here, should you dodge so much as submitting one tax form YOU ARE JAILED FOR LIFE. Yet if you decide to rape two children, unload 5 different AK 47s into 7 different schools killing 58 different people you'll probably spend a whole 19 minutes in jail because our court systems are lenient and cool like that.
On the upside: I think Orange Julius originated from here and those things are like an orgy in your mouth.
Here's a few last questions before I end this essay:
Music/fashion tastes?Awful! I'm the type of person who finds specific things attractive from every generation, especially specific things like parachute pants or other similar articles of clothing that more or less during the sexual revolution were guaranteed not to get you laid. I'll walk around (and actually do have on now) a replica Adidas tracksuit from the 70s in those ugly old vinyl green and blinding yellow colors just because I'm a hippy child at heart and am a fan of old looking clothing, and yet I'll sometimes dress up sharper than anyone at actual business dinners. I wish I could just stick to picking either "modern" or "predated my birth 93 years" as a style. The same applies in music - I'll rock down to anything from Pachelbel's Canon to Guns N' Roses. Every single person I've ever met has told me I have the absolute worst taste in music. And know what? I completely agree with them.
Geekiest thing about you?I love seeing people answer this question. No matter what perfect image you build up about them it completely crumbles the second they answer this and it changes your views on them forever as you NEVER expected that. Unfortunately, I'm not too tech savvy so I doubt much really applies to me here, but I do have the Final Fantasy 3 boss music on my cellphone as an .mp3. Oh yeah baby, but don't you dare laugh at that too much. I KNOW at the time you liked it also. And still do.
I don't think there's much else I feel like sharing at the moment.
Can you imagine being a hemophiliac and hemophobic?
"OH GOD BLOOD".
"OH GOD I CAN'T STOP BLEEDING".
"OH GOD MORE BLOOD!"
-
So, hi there.
My name is David.
I'm currently student taking my Bachelor of Arts (with education transfer). I'm not really sure why I decided to create this yet. I've always been pretty creative due to inherently acquiring the genes I suppose of wanting to immediately verbalize my thoughts the moment I think them. I always have something to say whether or not it actually contributes to society. I figured I'd make one of these to post my random musings. I'm not really sure how to describe my sense of humour. I'm part the brain child of David Chapelle and Chris Rock if they could have kids. Very offensive and often awkward socially. Oh yeah, don't forget part that Guinness book of world records guy who sports the record for having the worlds first prosthetic face since (at times) I am very tasteless.
I'm sure a lot of people reading this already know or stalk me. So for those who don't and want to start up on either, I suppose I'll start of by posting some pictures of myself despite not having socially engaged anyone here yet in anyway. I'll try to include captions below each photo that will give hopefully a better understanding of my hobbies while trying to pull away from the disturbing fact you're staring at a complete stranger.
Drugs.
Drugs.
Some definite drug use here.
Probable drugs.
I think here I was just standing in the snow..
ACTUALLY I wasn't really on drugs. Though I wish I had been since the last picture was taken just outside of the MUTTART CONSERVATORY. It's an apparent attraction in Edmonton until which a few months back during the winter I had no idea actually existed here. Which by the way if you're ever in Edmonton (which you should never be here period) never make plans to check out. Some friends asked me if i wanted to go with them and I thought hm... conservatory, sounds kind of like they stash dead bodies in there, or something. I said "sure!" I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It's almost like a wild life preserve (without the actual.. animal wildlife which I think we can all agree makes a place such as that tolerable) where in a bunch of indoor glass pyramids they have all these different habitual environments setup. Some are setup to look like Arizona/Texas deserts and so forth with real plants native to their real environments.
Highlights included:
And,
The average age in there aside from us had to be about 79. It was pretty brutal.
I live in Edmonton and for those who don't know where that is - I'll try my best here to describe just exactly what it's like. In CANADA we have the second largest land mass in the entire world. We have a massive 9,976,140 m² of spacious, spacious love - roughly 19 of those m² containing either people or tourist attractions that are actually entertaining. The rest of CANADA can be comparable to space. CANADA is more or less a gigantic empty void virtually inhabited by human life.
You know those jolly jumpers? Yeah. Those baby contraptions unsuspecting and naive parents jam their kids into and then regrettably after filming their first few cute jumps in it turn around and use the exact same video footage at their funeral two days later as a video montage to their life? That's probably the best invention to ever come out of Canada. Second place (and exception possibly being) Pizza Pizza telephone computer delivery services. Quick! can you name anything Edmonton is known for worldwide?
I didn't think so. We had Gretzky. Gretzky was probably one of the best sports icons of our lifetime. He played for our hockey team two decades ago, and since he was sold/traded, we haven't won a Stanley Cup since. Our team barely ever makes the playoffs and is pretty much the laughing stock of the NHL - so forget cheering for the hometown team. We are home to West Edmonton Mall - which houses something like 300+ stores and a indoor skating arena/water park. I think it's the third largest mall in the world. Sounds good... right? Wrong! It's not like they're 300 unique to that mall-only stores. They're 300 stores you've probably already been to in your life. So, if you stopped by Macy's and Ambercrombie & Fitch on the way home AND say jumped in a mud puddle and wet yourself up a bit (indoor water park remember! don't rip that out of context) you would have done enough to rival any joy our mall would bring you.
At any given time you could stroll on downtown and probably find at least 34 discarded syringes - and that's just near a bus stop. Venture down four or five blocks and you could probably find enough to start up your very own hospital. In our downtown sector during afternoon hours - no one is sober. The only guys you see walking around are drunks dressed as Captain Jack while sipping Captain Jack out of a paper bag. And the only guys we do have in business suits there are frantically running to their car trying to unlock the doors because they're afraid of DYING. If you survive long enough to experience the seasonal changes in Edmonton you might experience something like this each year:
Spring - rain. (+tornado & tornado warnings).
Summer - rain. (+tornado & tornado warnings).Fall - snow. (+tornado & tornado warnings).
Winter - snow. (+tornado & tornado warnings).
Please notice how "sun" is absent.
This last winter it hit an all time low here. -48 Celsius (and another day it was -46 Celsius). Apparently, -46 is -50.8 Fahrenheit. And -48 Celsius is -54.4 Fahrenheit. I don't know if that's accurate because I had to look that up online. I doubt anywhere else is used to that extremity of cold. Or not so much the extremity, but the fluctuation of. WE ARE IMMERSED IN SNOW SO MUCH EACH YEAR I AM NOT ENTIRELY SURE I EVEN KNOW WHAT A TREE LOOKS LIKE. Our summers here, sometimes you need a parka to step outside. Yet the day after if you stay out too long you'll most likely seizure from heat strokes. Unlike America and its obesity/underage pregnancy problems kids here aren't parents by the age of 14, but I read in the paper not even two weeks ago 48% of Canadians aged 12 and over get less than 1 hour of exercise per week. How sexy is that? Though, I only throw that fact in here as I'm sure that also contributes to why we don't have many 14 year old parents running around.
Local food and etiquette is questionable at best here. We have this annual "Heritage Festival" where everyone from their native countries cooks up and serves their native homeland foods. The last time our town held it I kid you not - someone was stabbed there. One of my friends made a joke saying the French food hut was probably setup right beside the English. Sadly he was probably right. Know what's worse? I don't think we have any foods specific to Edmonton. In places like Hawaii you could probably walk out into your front yard and down the block and eat twenty different kinds of fruit that exclusively grow there. Out in my front yard we have... pine cones.
Oh yeah. And... more pine cones.
We're starting to become a "big city" like Detroit though our population is still about one million. Originally I spent a large part of my life growing up around a lake called "Pigeon Lake", and a small town called "Thorsby". That town when I lived there had a population of perhaps, 1000. You could leave your wallet on your dashboard with your car keys, house keys, your parent's memorabilia (such as, first hair cut hair on a white platter, first stuffed animal) and your own first born and really any other valuable items you could possibly think of yours or not - and someone would actually break into the car just to drive it back to your house and return everything. It was that safe there all the time.
A few days ago - three blocks away from the aforementioned mall some guy was murdered, and they stuffed his body in his car and lit it on fire.
Then the car and his bodily remains exploded.
So... there's a bit of a everyone-knows-and-loves-and-embraces-each-other difference in this city compared to good ol' Thorsby.
Our law system is... well non-existent. Here, should you dodge so much as submitting one tax form YOU ARE JAILED FOR LIFE. Yet if you decide to rape two children, unload 5 different AK 47s into 7 different schools killing 58 different people you'll probably spend a whole 19 minutes in jail because our court systems are lenient and cool like that.
On the upside: I think Orange Julius originated from here and those things are like an orgy in your mouth.
Here's a few last questions before I end this essay:
Music/fashion tastes?Awful! I'm the type of person who finds specific things attractive from every generation, especially specific things like parachute pants or other similar articles of clothing that more or less during the sexual revolution were guaranteed not to get you laid. I'll walk around (and actually do have on now) a replica Adidas tracksuit from the 70s in those ugly old vinyl green and blinding yellow colors just because I'm a hippy child at heart and am a fan of old looking clothing, and yet I'll sometimes dress up sharper than anyone at actual business dinners. I wish I could just stick to picking either "modern" or "predated my birth 93 years" as a style. The same applies in music - I'll rock down to anything from Pachelbel's Canon to Guns N' Roses. Every single person I've ever met has told me I have the absolute worst taste in music. And know what? I completely agree with them.
Geekiest thing about you?I love seeing people answer this question. No matter what perfect image you build up about them it completely crumbles the second they answer this and it changes your views on them forever as you NEVER expected that. Unfortunately, I'm not too tech savvy so I doubt much really applies to me here, but I do have the Final Fantasy 3 boss music on my cellphone as an .mp3. Oh yeah baby, but don't you dare laugh at that too much. I KNOW at the time you liked it also. And still do.
I don't think there's much else I feel like sharing at the moment.
Comments
That should have been about six different entries, though...