Random thought:
I love animal crackers!
-
Oooh boy, yeah, I know. It's been a while, sorry about that guys and gals who have read over my thoughts with a tepid, sometimes fluxuating interest. I've been really busy the last couple months and I haven't really (literally) had the time to sit alone and type something here up. I thought about what I wanted to do for that magnificent #100 entry. I mean, that's a pretty big milestone considering the usual quality of content I have here. I feel like a TV show. So what's a TV show do when it hits the 100th episode? Usually some kind of spectacular-- but see, I'm still too lazy for that. And busy.
So, I instead came to the conclusion I felt like sharing something I recently posted up on facebook (yes, I finally buckled and made one even though I'm still convinced facebook & myspace are both social cancers). I ended up a while ago, while searching, finding some papers in my basement. The story (as recycled from there) is as follows:
hello friends. i have a story to tell.
a few days ago, while cleaning trying to find something i stumbled upon a collection of mass so great, that it could rival any electronic device you are holding in your hand right now. (exception possibly being the computer screen you're starring at. otherwise i wouldn't be able to share this). anyway!
i ended up finding a folder.
what was in this folder you ask? well.. paper.
.. yup, i know what you're thinking already;"wow dave, this story is awesome." "ENCORE, ENCORE!" die david die, die die die die die die die die dieeee.
so what was on this paper....?!
well, that's what makes this discovery so awesome. there's about 20-30 sheets in this folder and they ended up being.. *drum roll*
the nostalgia jackpot.
they were my grade 3, rough draft (so before any punctual revision!) copies of stories i wrote for assignments back then. these are probably the metaphorical child of if shame, had sex with malignant disgust and produced some kind of baby in paper form. they're so beyond awful, and unintentionally comical, i have decided to share one in all its original grammar glory (as well!). this particular one is about halloween. i guarantee it will be the scariest thing you'll ever read. don't accidentally urinate yourselves.
enjoy.
--
THE SCARY HALLOWEEN
One Halloween I wanted to go tricker treating with my friends.I was going to make a Jack -O -lantern but I thought better my mom can do it I said. I couden't wait. My friends were coming with me. We got couldn't of candy. There was couln't of houses that we passed. We were walking down the road and we saw a man and he had no head. He said "please come here one small hit with my fist and your head will fat off!..........."YIKES yelled David run yelled run like you've never ran before.Ok said David it is not a joke. Who am I talking to said David AAAAAAAAAAAAA! it's a ghost David yelled! my friends ran away to there houses. I was all alone. I was scared. Suddenly that guy with no head appeared but this time he had two battle axes. "He said come here David or else" well ok WHAM he he swung and just mist my head. I was luckily he mist my head or I would be a goner. I quietly said gulp. It turned out that my friends were the guy with no head.
Yeah, I know haha. Awful right? Sadly there's more, a lot more.
MY BOAT
One summerI was allowed to go to my uncle's islan on Vancovuer. We flew a long way to get there. My dad decided to drive me in a boat. But dad I insisted I can go by myself. Dad said "well ok" yes I said! So my dad took me to the boat. It took a long time to drive there. There was a couple of prombles. I got surrounded by very dangerous sharks. At the sometime my gas ran out plus I was lost. Luckily a helicopter poured toxic waste and killed the sharks. The helicopter accidently dropped down a bottle of gas. Just what I needed. Was I in luck. I had lots more problems like the great white whale tried to eat me. The worst preamble was I had an oil spill. Again I had another problem happened. I got cought in a storn!!!! We waited two days until the storm was over. I was at my uncles island where the storm was. My uncle had a bi plane that we flew back home. At home my dad said "how was your trip?believe me dad you wouldn't wanttoknow...................................
I'll end up once my scanner works again, posting copies of the originals. I'll also when I'm not strapped for time [need to go meet Karen at Southgate in like.. 4 minutes] share some other stories. I swear to God I had some form of brain damage in grade 3.
[edit]: 11/12/08
MY SPACE ADVENTURE
One day in a house there were to people named David who had a friend named Jeff. These people were the best astronauts in the world!! One day Captain Jack told them to go on mission. So they left their hose 10545 71 ave went to the spaces-ship. They pushed the start button and went off in the rocket. Oh Oh no!!!!!! as they flew past the planets said David. "I forgot my astronaught suit on earth!!!!!" David said. "Oh and my watch is going crazy!!!" David said again.
PART 2 (yes, I abruptly broke this one into two chapters apparently).
When we got to the plant mars David had to stay inside the space-ship. Meanwile back on mars when Jeff forgot to shut the door.I always go to get something to eat. I tripped over my shoe laces and fell out of the space-ship!!!!!!! on the ground. Jeff turned around and offff. Before he knew it I was on the ground Jeff quickly picked me up and put me up and put me in the space-ship. The boss (Captain Jack) paided us lots of monkey because Jeff kicked a rock on the ship when I quickly picked up David.
The End
[The teacher actually wrote on the bottom of this one]:
"Problem: David fell out of the spaceship trying to get something to eat outside? The fridge was right beside the door inside the spaceship. This makes no sense."
awesome.
And yet it's so ironic that I haven't (so far) this semester been graded lower than an 88% on an actual [essay] writing. HOW DID I IMPROVE TO THAT POINT?!
"I quietly said gulp. It turned out that my friends were the guy with no head."
I mean. Fuck.
I love animal crackers!
-
Oooh boy, yeah, I know. It's been a while, sorry about that guys and gals who have read over my thoughts with a tepid, sometimes fluxuating interest. I've been really busy the last couple months and I haven't really (literally) had the time to sit alone and type something here up. I thought about what I wanted to do for that magnificent #100 entry. I mean, that's a pretty big milestone considering the usual quality of content I have here. I feel like a TV show. So what's a TV show do when it hits the 100th episode? Usually some kind of spectacular-- but see, I'm still too lazy for that. And busy.
So, I instead came to the conclusion I felt like sharing something I recently posted up on facebook (yes, I finally buckled and made one even though I'm still convinced facebook & myspace are both social cancers). I ended up a while ago, while searching, finding some papers in my basement. The story (as recycled from there) is as follows:
hello friends. i have a story to tell.
a few days ago, while cleaning trying to find something i stumbled upon a collection of mass so great, that it could rival any electronic device you are holding in your hand right now. (exception possibly being the computer screen you're starring at. otherwise i wouldn't be able to share this). anyway!
i ended up finding a folder.
what was in this folder you ask? well.. paper.
.. yup, i know what you're thinking already;
so what was on this paper....?!
well, that's what makes this discovery so awesome. there's about 20-30 sheets in this folder and they ended up being.. *drum roll*
the nostalgia jackpot.
they were my grade 3, rough draft (so before any punctual revision!) copies of stories i wrote for assignments back then. these are probably the metaphorical child of if shame, had sex with malignant disgust and produced some kind of baby in paper form. they're so beyond awful, and unintentionally comical, i have decided to share one in all its original grammar glory (as well!). this particular one is about halloween. i guarantee it will be the scariest thing you'll ever read. don't accidentally urinate yourselves.
enjoy.
--
THE SCARY HALLOWEEN
One Halloween I wanted to go tricker treating with my friends.I was going to make a Jack -O -lantern but I thought better my mom can do it I said. I couden't wait. My friends were coming with me. We got couldn't of candy. There was couln't of houses that we passed. We were walking down the road and we saw a man and he had no head. He said "please come here one small hit with my fist and your head will fat off!..........."YIKES yelled David run yelled run like you've never ran before.Ok said David it is not a joke. Who am I talking to said David AAAAAAAAAAAAA! it's a ghost David yelled! my friends ran away to there houses. I was all alone. I was scared. Suddenly that guy with no head appeared but this time he had two battle axes. "He said come here David or else" well ok WHAM he he swung and just mist my head. I was luckily he mist my head or I would be a goner. I quietly said gulp. It turned out that my friends were the guy with no head.
Yeah, I know haha. Awful right? Sadly there's more, a lot more.
MY BOAT
One summerI was allowed to go to my uncle's islan on Vancovuer. We flew a long way to get there. My dad decided to drive me in a boat. But dad I insisted I can go by myself. Dad said "well ok" yes I said! So my dad took me to the boat. It took a long time to drive there. There was a couple of prombles. I got surrounded by very dangerous sharks. At the sometime my gas ran out plus I was lost. Luckily a helicopter poured toxic waste and killed the sharks. The helicopter accidently dropped down a bottle of gas. Just what I needed. Was I in luck. I had lots more problems like the great white whale tried to eat me. The worst preamble was I had an oil spill. Again I had another problem happened. I got cought in a storn!!!! We waited two days until the storm was over. I was at my uncles island where the storm was. My uncle had a bi plane that we flew back home. At home my dad said "how was your trip?believe me dad you wouldn't wanttoknow...................................
I'll end up once my scanner works again, posting copies of the originals. I'll also when I'm not strapped for time [need to go meet Karen at Southgate in like.. 4 minutes] share some other stories. I swear to God I had some form of brain damage in grade 3.
[edit]: 11/12/08
MY SPACE ADVENTURE
One day in a house there were to people named David who had a friend named Jeff. These people were the best astronauts in the world!! One day Captain Jack told them to go on mission. So they left their hose 10545 71 ave went to the spaces-ship. They pushed the start button and went off in the rocket. Oh Oh no!!!!!! as they flew past the planets said David. "I forgot my astronaught suit on earth!!!!!" David said. "Oh and my watch is going crazy!!!" David said again.
PART 2 (yes, I abruptly broke this one into two chapters apparently).
When we got to the plant mars David had to stay inside the space-ship. Meanwile back on mars when Jeff forgot to shut the door.I always go to get something to eat. I tripped over my shoe laces and fell out of the space-ship!!!!!!! on the ground. Jeff turned around and offff. Before he knew it I was on the ground Jeff quickly picked me up and put me up and put me in the space-ship. The boss (Captain Jack) paided us lots of monkey because Jeff kicked a rock on the ship when I quickly picked up David.
The End
[The teacher actually wrote on the bottom of this one]:
"Problem: David fell out of the spaceship trying to get something to eat outside? The fridge was right beside the door inside the spaceship. This makes no sense."
awesome.
And yet it's so ironic that I haven't (so far) this semester been graded lower than an 88% on an actual [essay] writing. HOW DID I IMPROVE TO THAT POINT?!
"I quietly said gulp. It turned out that my friends were the guy with no head."
I mean. Fuck.
Comments
What the hell is that supposed to mean? ;D
i just assume drugs were involved somehow.