Random thought:
The world has gone to hell when girls consider Micheal Cera a sex symbol.
(Even though trust me, I love Arrested Development).
-
It's like, everyone just gets together in a rare moment of unison. All the shitty drama that usually follows internet forums and social web sites and everyone with what seems like the most ignorant opinion in the world and the confidence to share it, fades out of view for just a few minutes and we all collectively post what has to be the greatest collection of unified human wit in existence. This is one of those threads. I don't think I've read anything on the internet in a while that's made me laugh so consistently. If you haven't seen Batman yet, GO, NOW. You no longer have an excuse! Then come back and read over everything everyone posted in that thread which gave me some hope for humanity so you can understand all the references. Almost all of them are fantastic.
Inappropriate Times to quote The Dark Knight...
Example: You are at church and you say to the priest "I make my own luck".
(And some of everyone's replies..)
At a urinal.
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
When applying for a gun license/ownership of a firearm:
"This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to em!"
To a cripple in a wheelchair:
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stranger!"
You're on a swimming course and the instructor is going over the pool safety rules and you say: "You have all these rules and you think they'll save you?"
You're in a dog pound and the trainer has pit bulls on his leash.
You: "Set the dogs on me"
Trainer: "Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and see how loyal a hungry dog really is?"
Maybe if you're at a comic con and someone is dressed up as Batman and you say something like "Kill the Batman"
After you've just run someone over and you say,
"This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object!"
Stepping on to a city bus and the bus driver says:
"You're supposed to pay!" and you say "No, I kill the bus driver."
You do the Joker's slow clap at your kid's school play.
... whilst boarding a plane: "You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline!"
While on a date with a girl: "You remind me of my father"
The last thing ya wanna hear whilst receiving an enema is:
"I'm gonna make this pencil disappear."
At a funeral "How many of your friends did I kill?"
Neurological surgeon just prior to surgery:
"People will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word."
You're on who wants to be a millionaire and Regis gives you the million dollar question. After he asks the question, you ask to use a lifeline, but Regis says that you can't use anymore. You dive across the electronic panels towards Regis, pull out a knife, and hold it against his neck. The security guards all rush up to you, asking what you want, to which you reply: "I just want my phone call".
While you're buying condoms you ask the cashier, "What about dogs? Will it protect me from dogs?"
You arrive in the middle of church. Priest is finishing some bible story.
Priest: Amen
People: Amen
(Silence)
You (entering the church): HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh hee he ho ha haa... and I thought MY jokes were bad...
While a girl you fancy tells her friend about a boy she likes at a party..
"He has black hair? I like that."
Then you burst in through the crowd and punch her in the face,
"THEN YOU'RE GONNA LOVE ME!"
At a loan officer "I want $10 million dollars a year, every year for the rest of my life".
After catching a fish "We got you, you son of a bitch!" /
Doctor delivering a baby: "We got you, you son of a bitch!"
The list goes on and on though.
Check it out. :D
[Edit September 27th/2011]:
Sigh, I checked today and that thread has been purged. :(
The world has gone to hell when girls consider Micheal Cera a sex symbol.
(Even though trust me, I love Arrested Development).
-
It's like, everyone just gets together in a rare moment of unison. All the shitty drama that usually follows internet forums and social web sites and everyone with what seems like the most ignorant opinion in the world and the confidence to share it, fades out of view for just a few minutes and we all collectively post what has to be the greatest collection of unified human wit in existence. This is one of those threads. I don't think I've read anything on the internet in a while that's made me laugh so consistently. If you haven't seen Batman yet, GO, NOW. You no longer have an excuse! Then come back and read over everything everyone posted in that thread which gave me some hope for humanity so you can understand all the references. Almost all of them are fantastic.
Inappropriate Times to quote The Dark Knight...
Example: You are at church and you say to the priest "I make my own luck".
(And some of everyone's replies..)
At a urinal.
"Wanna see a magic trick?"
When applying for a gun license/ownership of a firearm:
"This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to em!"
To a cripple in a wheelchair:
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stranger!"
You're on a swimming course and the instructor is going over the pool safety rules and you say: "You have all these rules and you think they'll save you?"
You're in a dog pound and the trainer has pit bulls on his leash.
You: "Set the dogs on me"
Trainer: "Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and see how loyal a hungry dog really is?"
Maybe if you're at a comic con and someone is dressed up as Batman and you say something like "Kill the Batman"
After you've just run someone over and you say,
"This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object!"
Stepping on to a city bus and the bus driver says:
"You're supposed to pay!" and you say "No, I kill the bus driver."
You do the Joker's slow clap at your kid's school play.
... whilst boarding a plane: "You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline!"
While on a date with a girl: "You remind me of my father"
The last thing ya wanna hear whilst receiving an enema is:
"I'm gonna make this pencil disappear."
At a funeral "How many of your friends did I kill?"
Neurological surgeon just prior to surgery:
"People will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word."
You're on who wants to be a millionaire and Regis gives you the million dollar question. After he asks the question, you ask to use a lifeline, but Regis says that you can't use anymore. You dive across the electronic panels towards Regis, pull out a knife, and hold it against his neck. The security guards all rush up to you, asking what you want, to which you reply: "I just want my phone call".
While you're buying condoms you ask the cashier, "What about dogs? Will it protect me from dogs?"
You arrive in the middle of church. Priest is finishing some bible story.
Priest: Amen
People: Amen
(Silence)
You (entering the church): HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh hee he ho ha haa... and I thought MY jokes were bad...
While a girl you fancy tells her friend about a boy she likes at a party..
"He has black hair? I like that."
Then you burst in through the crowd and punch her in the face,
"THEN YOU'RE GONNA LOVE ME!"
At a loan officer "I want $10 million dollars a year, every year for the rest of my life".
After catching a fish "We got you, you son of a bitch!" /
Doctor delivering a baby: "We got you, you son of a bitch!"
The list goes on and on though.
Check it out. :D
[Edit September 27th/2011]:
Sigh, I checked today and that thread has been purged. :(
Comments
Dentist: "Let's put a smile on that face!".
there's still a lot of good ones i didn't paste from the original thread though.