Random thought:
SEX SELLSunless you're Jon Lovitz.
-
I have an unfortunate amount of scandalous male secrets. I'm a pretty masculine guy for the most part but I remember my first year of class our professor asked us to write an introduction about ourselves that would give everyone a general idea of what who we are and where our roots stemmed from. Everyone did the standard, hey name name is... and listed a brief list of all their hobbies (football) and interests (football) and school activities (football). I wrote something completely different, completely unique (and not about football). I had everyones absolute attention despite at the end feeling a little.. embarrassed myself. I simply titled it "hey" and it was a collection of one or two line sentences about me that friends both universally knew about me and probably had no idea ever applied to me. It had everyone captivated towards the finish and the teacher called it very clever the way it was worded since it had inspired him to remember the smaller details of his life - probably since again it wasn't about football.
It wasn't really hard for me to write, just .. share. I'm sure most of you know by now how unemotional and callous I usually am. I decided I'd share it here anyway:
(I SWEAR I'LL GET BACK TO WRITING FUNNIER ENTRIES SOON AND STOP DISPLAYING THIS SOMEWHAT EMOTIONAL AND HUMAN SIDE!)
"hey"
my names david.
sometimes, i listen to the spice girls.
and sometimes, i use olay! refreshing toner to keep my skin acne free.
i stole a hamburger once from one of my friends houses, i was like.. 13. he woke up and asked everyone who slept over who did it and i said it wasn't me. but it was.
sometimes i sing when i'm alone by myself, even though i can't sing at all.
i once watched this episode of scrubs where J.D dated a girl that instead of laughing said "that's so funny!" everytime something was so funny. my ex-girlfriend sometimes said "that's so funny!" instead of laughing and since i saw that episode i can't tell you how annoying it is when she did that.
but i've never told her just how annoying it is because i don't like pointless conflict like that.
when i was 13, some girl i didn't know at the lake pushed me into the lake from this canoe i was in. for some reason that made me have a huge crush on her, even though i almost drowned. we hit it off so well that summer.
and in a strange twist of fate, this girl ended up being my dads, future girlfriends, daughter. so we stopped "seeing" eachother.
i still think about her sometimes.
sometimes i eat sour cream on just plain white (or brown) buns. i don't put anything else in there.
this disgusts everyone i know.
i lied a lot as a kid.
i say whenever i have a headache, "my head hurts" instead of calling it a headache. apparently this term bothers some of my friends.
tuna is the only food in the world i will not eat with any regularity.
the last time i cried was maybe when i was about 15.
as a kid i stole from my neighbours garden almost daily. carrots, raspberries and rhubarb. how she ever had enough to harvest them seasonally with me around is still beyond me.
my grade six (general teacher) and grade 8 english teacher are two of the most influential people i've ever met in my life. yet i've never seen or spoken to them again once i passed those respective grades.
i hate a lot of people for a lot of trivial reasons i shouldn't, even though no ones ever hated me for reasons they shouldn't.
my first car was a 1978 station wagon my dad gave me for free. it was the worst car i've ever seen and driven. period. it was also the ugliest man made thing in the world. yet i miss it.
i'm learning about mitosis and somatic cellular structure in class right now. i thought it would be hard, but it isn't. my professor elongates every second word and this annoys me since it's totally unnecessary. he's literally like "goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass"
and you're thinking HURRY UP MAN if you keep up this pace we'll be at page 9 by the end of the semester.
i am the best person you'll ever meet.
i think i am an insomniac, then again i work most nights until 3 am or later, so i shouldn't be surprised by this.
i had a dog for 13 years.
she died last year.
vegans annoy me, not the ones who just refuse to eat meat, but the ones who refuse to wear animal products yet still walk around with belts or purses.
i'm very vocal and opinionated about everything, but very reserved and quiet when it comes to sharing feelings that pertain to me.
i don't believe in second chances.
i can't eat peanutbutter toast unless it's heavily salted. i don't know why.
i hate salt on mostly everything else.
my grandpa, when i was six, showed me a way to cool down on hot and humid summer nights. and that was to sleep ontop of a sleeping bag, since the fabric it was on the outside, was very cool.
even though i have like an $100 comforter my mom gave me, and a king size bed, i still sleep ontop of sleeping bags (sometimes).
the last book my grandpa ever read to me before he died was "little bunny follows his nose".
i still have that exact same book.
i've went fishing maybe 200 times in my lifetime, but i've never caught a single fish.
i've been hunting once and killed two "trophy bucks". my uncle has them both still on his wall.
my blood type is a rather uncommon -AB i think.
a few years ago, i went to buy a dozen roses. the girl working said something like "your girlfriend is going to be happy after this!" and i responded back, saying they're actually for my grandfathers grave. it was awkward. i miss him.
i used to visit his grave every so often.
i haven't in years.
eating turkey often makes me sleepy.
i walk a lot. even though i love driving
i think john leguizamo is one of the funniest people alive.
i think sometimes a brain aneurysm is on its way if i don't take just five minutes to myself.
i think sometimes i think too much.
we won countless medals and trophies growing up in baseball leagues and tournaments, which boosted my confidence and self confidence to astronomical levels. it makes me wonder what happened to those kids though that always dropped out at D rank or went 1-15 (wins/losses) in a season though. they're probably dead.
sometimes when i feel nauseated, i eat a&w onion rings. this helps make me feel better.
i don't eat a&w onion rings otherwise.
i tend to dislike people who use every acronym invented on the internet (lmao, lol, brb, rofl, idk, bbl) especially if they use more than one in a sentence.
i push a lot of people away. i'm not superficial.. but. i judge far too quickly. if you don't wow me within two seconds i probably won't ever acknowledge you again.
i don't know where i'll be in 10 years. or even 5 years.
i blame my mom for a lot of things she isn't guilty of.
i've volunteered for the last 5 years at the stollery children's hospital (and will again this year) and at santa's anonymous.
none of my friends know about my charity work.
i prefer it this way.
right now i have a bruised back from hockey.
i hand trained the first bird i ever had, he was so lax around me and only me, he hated everyone else. he'd peck at my friends and families hands if they tried to take him out, but chirp around and literally stick to me. i've always been good with animals.
i was recently denied when i applied for a credit card with a $15000 limit. i don't know why i applied for this card. my current one has a limit of $1000 and i've at most probably put $500 on it. i barely ever use credit cards.
i don't like stepping on insects that are big enough to leave a mess.
not because i think that's "gross".
just because i don't like cleaning my shoes.
i sleep sometimes with my feet on the furnace. ever since i was a kid, i did that. i keep telling myself i'll grow out of that habit SOMEDAY.
but i know i won't.
i don't drink coffee.
and i'm probably the one person in this world who hates star wars. i still haven't seen the third one.
i often support feminists, but in the same time i'm almost sexist as i can hate what they stand for so much.
i like to help others. sometimes i need help myself, but i never ask for it.
i don't believe god exists. and the thought of that truly scares me.
i don't keep in contact like i should. i've met some amazing people, we always hit it off, then always drift apart. i know if i just took the initiative and two minutes, i could revive everything, but i never do.
bears are my one irrational fear in this world.
i think that's all.
Everyone immediately gawked at me and rightly so! Sadly I wasn't kidding at all about the Spice Girl thing either. I'm sorry guys. I had this damn song stuck in my head for a while and even though admittedly I only listened to it a few times after thinking about it that was enough to send me into one of those eternal shame spirals for life.
And I do use Olay refreshing toner also!
Everything else was also true - but I think out of all the unmanly secrets I disclosed writing that, oh boy, a few days ago.. I found a new victor that could top them all. I went to a friends place since she and I were going to see that Wall-E movie (OH GOD THAT'S BAD ENOUGH) which turned out to actually be surprisingly decent. I went there a little early though so she forced me at gun point to watch the last twenty minutes of some show she's hooked on; How do you solve a problem like Maria?
I gathered it's pretty much an American Idol/Canadian Idol knock off but aimed at finding a new broadway sensation. Or something. All these girl contestants compete and rehearse and sing songs for Canada and a panel of judges. I wasn't really paying attention as I waited for the show to finish, the rest of the acts were pretty boring, then..
She came on; and I swear, I don't know how describe it - it just felt like time stood still. I was shocked looking it up later on to discover it was was only 2:23 long performance -- it felt much much longer. I don't know of it was her voice or the lyrics or.. what, but I became so lost in it. I felt pretty happy. Part of me found it lovely, THE OTHER PART FEELS SO ASHAMED. I've never liked broadway music before so I don't know what's come over me. I've probably listened to it thirty times in the last day though.
You can all let the gay accusations fly this time - I know I deserve it.
Although as I told MISS ENGLAND earlier even if I am secretly gay I don't think I'd make a very successful homosexual. I gagged twice by accident brushing my teeth a couple days ago. I'm sure no one actually needed to know that, but it's all the recent justification I have since I haven't started re-dating since I broke up with my girlfriend.
My apparent heterosexuality is looking pretty grim these days, guys.
On a slightly unrelated note, we had a 10 minute mega storm tonight. It hailed like crazy and we had very strong winds, but it finished almost right after it started.
Canada is so awesome sometimes.
(I need to invest in a tripod.)
You can download that here, too, if you want.
Showing it here sorta kills the supposed-to-be resolution.
I'm just waiting for the day this summer we top 1987's "Black Friday".
SEX SELLS
-
I have an unfortunate amount of scandalous male secrets. I'm a pretty masculine guy for the most part but I remember my first year of class our professor asked us to write an introduction about ourselves that would give everyone a general idea of what who we are and where our roots stemmed from. Everyone did the standard, hey name name is... and listed a brief list of all their hobbies (football) and interests (football) and school activities (football). I wrote something completely different, completely unique (and not about football). I had everyones absolute attention despite at the end feeling a little.. embarrassed myself. I simply titled it "hey" and it was a collection of one or two line sentences about me that friends both universally knew about me and probably had no idea ever applied to me. It had everyone captivated towards the finish and the teacher called it very clever the way it was worded since it had inspired him to remember the smaller details of his life - probably since again it wasn't about football.
It wasn't really hard for me to write, just .. share. I'm sure most of you know by now how unemotional and callous I usually am. I decided I'd share it here anyway:
(I SWEAR I'LL GET BACK TO WRITING FUNNIER ENTRIES SOON AND STOP DISPLAYING THIS SOMEWHAT EMOTIONAL AND HUMAN SIDE!)
"hey"
my names david.
sometimes, i listen to the spice girls.
and sometimes, i use olay! refreshing toner to keep my skin acne free.
i stole a hamburger once from one of my friends houses, i was like.. 13. he woke up and asked everyone who slept over who did it and i said it wasn't me. but it was.
sometimes i sing when i'm alone by myself, even though i can't sing at all.
i once watched this episode of scrubs where J.D dated a girl that instead of laughing said "that's so funny!" everytime something was so funny. my ex-girlfriend sometimes said "that's so funny!" instead of laughing and since i saw that episode i can't tell you how annoying it is when she did that.
but i've never told her just how annoying it is because i don't like pointless conflict like that.
when i was 13, some girl i didn't know at the lake pushed me into the lake from this canoe i was in. for some reason that made me have a huge crush on her, even though i almost drowned. we hit it off so well that summer.
and in a strange twist of fate, this girl ended up being my dads, future girlfriends, daughter. so we stopped "seeing" eachother.
i still think about her sometimes.
sometimes i eat sour cream on just plain white (or brown) buns. i don't put anything else in there.
this disgusts everyone i know.
i lied a lot as a kid.
i say whenever i have a headache, "my head hurts" instead of calling it a headache. apparently this term bothers some of my friends.
tuna is the only food in the world i will not eat with any regularity.
the last time i cried was maybe when i was about 15.
as a kid i stole from my neighbours garden almost daily. carrots, raspberries and rhubarb. how she ever had enough to harvest them seasonally with me around is still beyond me.
my grade six (general teacher) and grade 8 english teacher are two of the most influential people i've ever met in my life. yet i've never seen or spoken to them again once i passed those respective grades.
i hate a lot of people for a lot of trivial reasons i shouldn't, even though no ones ever hated me for reasons they shouldn't.
my first car was a 1978 station wagon my dad gave me for free. it was the worst car i've ever seen and driven. period. it was also the ugliest man made thing in the world. yet i miss it.
i'm learning about mitosis and somatic cellular structure in class right now. i thought it would be hard, but it isn't. my professor elongates every second word and this annoys me since it's totally unnecessary. he's literally like "goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning claaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass"
and you're thinking HURRY UP MAN if you keep up this pace we'll be at page 9 by the end of the semester.
i am the best person you'll ever meet.
i think i am an insomniac, then again i work most nights until 3 am or later, so i shouldn't be surprised by this.
i had a dog for 13 years.
she died last year.
vegans annoy me, not the ones who just refuse to eat meat, but the ones who refuse to wear animal products yet still walk around with belts or purses.
i'm very vocal and opinionated about everything, but very reserved and quiet when it comes to sharing feelings that pertain to me.
i don't believe in second chances.
i can't eat peanutbutter toast unless it's heavily salted. i don't know why.
i hate salt on mostly everything else.
my grandpa, when i was six, showed me a way to cool down on hot and humid summer nights. and that was to sleep ontop of a sleeping bag, since the fabric it was on the outside, was very cool.
even though i have like an $100 comforter my mom gave me, and a king size bed, i still sleep ontop of sleeping bags (sometimes).
the last book my grandpa ever read to me before he died was "little bunny follows his nose".
i still have that exact same book.
i've went fishing maybe 200 times in my lifetime, but i've never caught a single fish.
i've been hunting once and killed two "trophy bucks". my uncle has them both still on his wall.
my blood type is a rather uncommon -AB i think.
a few years ago, i went to buy a dozen roses. the girl working said something like "your girlfriend is going to be happy after this!" and i responded back, saying they're actually for my grandfathers grave. it was awkward. i miss him.
i used to visit his grave every so often.
i haven't in years.
eating turkey often makes me sleepy.
i walk a lot. even though i love driving
i think john leguizamo is one of the funniest people alive.
i think sometimes a brain aneurysm is on its way if i don't take just five minutes to myself.
i think sometimes i think too much.
we won countless medals and trophies growing up in baseball leagues and tournaments, which boosted my confidence and self confidence to astronomical levels. it makes me wonder what happened to those kids though that always dropped out at D rank or went 1-15 (wins/losses) in a season though. they're probably dead.
sometimes when i feel nauseated, i eat a&w onion rings. this helps make me feel better.
i don't eat a&w onion rings otherwise.
i tend to dislike people who use every acronym invented on the internet (lmao, lol, brb, rofl, idk, bbl) especially if they use more than one in a sentence.
i push a lot of people away. i'm not superficial.. but. i judge far too quickly. if you don't wow me within two seconds i probably won't ever acknowledge you again.
i don't know where i'll be in 10 years. or even 5 years.
i blame my mom for a lot of things she isn't guilty of.
i've volunteered for the last 5 years at the stollery children's hospital (and will again this year) and at santa's anonymous.
none of my friends know about my charity work.
i prefer it this way.
right now i have a bruised back from hockey.
i hand trained the first bird i ever had, he was so lax around me and only me, he hated everyone else. he'd peck at my friends and families hands if they tried to take him out, but chirp around and literally stick to me. i've always been good with animals.
i was recently denied when i applied for a credit card with a $15000 limit. i don't know why i applied for this card. my current one has a limit of $1000 and i've at most probably put $500 on it. i barely ever use credit cards.
i don't like stepping on insects that are big enough to leave a mess.
not because i think that's "gross".
just because i don't like cleaning my shoes.
i sleep sometimes with my feet on the furnace. ever since i was a kid, i did that. i keep telling myself i'll grow out of that habit SOMEDAY.
but i know i won't.
i don't drink coffee.
and i'm probably the one person in this world who hates star wars. i still haven't seen the third one.
i often support feminists, but in the same time i'm almost sexist as i can hate what they stand for so much.
i like to help others. sometimes i need help myself, but i never ask for it.
i don't believe god exists. and the thought of that truly scares me.
i don't keep in contact like i should. i've met some amazing people, we always hit it off, then always drift apart. i know if i just took the initiative and two minutes, i could revive everything, but i never do.
bears are my one irrational fear in this world.
i think that's all.
Everyone immediately gawked at me and rightly so! Sadly I wasn't kidding at all about the Spice Girl thing either. I'm sorry guys. I had this damn song stuck in my head for a while and even though admittedly I only listened to it a few times after thinking about it that was enough to send me into one of those eternal shame spirals for life.
And I do use Olay refreshing toner also!
Everything else was also true - but I think out of all the unmanly secrets I disclosed writing that, oh boy, a few days ago.. I found a new victor that could top them all. I went to a friends place since she and I were going to see that Wall-E movie (OH GOD THAT'S BAD ENOUGH) which turned out to actually be surprisingly decent. I went there a little early though so she forced me at gun point to watch the last twenty minutes of some show she's hooked on; How do you solve a problem like Maria?
I gathered it's pretty much an American Idol/Canadian Idol knock off but aimed at finding a new broadway sensation. Or something. All these girl contestants compete and rehearse and sing songs for Canada and a panel of judges. I wasn't really paying attention as I waited for the show to finish, the rest of the acts were pretty boring, then..
She came on; and I swear, I don't know how describe it - it just felt like time stood still. I was shocked looking it up later on to discover it was was only 2:23 long performance -- it felt much much longer. I don't know of it was her voice or the lyrics or.. what, but I became so lost in it. I felt pretty happy. Part of me found it lovely, THE OTHER PART FEELS SO ASHAMED. I've never liked broadway music before so I don't know what's come over me. I've probably listened to it thirty times in the last day though.
You can all let the gay accusations fly this time - I know I deserve it.
Although as I told MISS ENGLAND earlier even if I am secretly gay I don't think I'd make a very successful homosexual. I gagged twice by accident brushing my teeth a couple days ago. I'm sure no one actually needed to know that, but it's all the recent justification I have since I haven't started re-dating since I broke up with my girlfriend.
My apparent heterosexuality is looking pretty grim these days, guys.
On a slightly unrelated note, we had a 10 minute mega storm tonight. It hailed like crazy and we had very strong winds, but it finished almost right after it started.
Canada is so awesome sometimes.
(I need to invest in a tripod.)
You can download that here, too, if you want.
Showing it here sorta kills the supposed-to-be resolution.
I'm just waiting for the day this summer we top 1987's "Black Friday".
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