Random thought:
Hey! Dick Pole. You have the worst name by far in both the world, and the MLB.
-
I'm thoroughly exhausted lately, I don't know what's going on. Although I'm probably averaging eight hours of sleep per night - it still feels as if I've been up the last seven weeks. So sluggish, so tired, so energy-less. Although I've still been rather busy the last few days it seems all I feel like doing once I get home and around 8 p.m. is sleep. I guess it's okay, I always just assumed that old saying "no rest for the wicked" was both created about me and applied specifically to me. I guess it does.
I stumbled upon this nifty program a while ago called, actually, I don't know what it's called. It SAYS "CntChars" so I assume that's short for Count Characters. How lazy do you have to be to abbreviate the U and O out of count? Well, anyway, it's useful if you're writing a lot of essays and papers and stuff. All you have to do is highlight the body of a text in a notepad and it instantly shows you how many characters you've written in total (in case there's a restriction on how many the professor wants you to write). Like for example, copying and pasting it into a pad at this point says I've written:
1211 characters.
So what was the purpose of sharing that with everyone?
I don't really know actually.
It made me curious to see how much I write in these entries in general and apparently the longest entry (the first one I ever written) was over 10000. On average it seems I write 6000 characters, and for for a comparison one of Hillary Clinton's speeches she gave on March 4th in New York (I believe about abortion) was 7779 according to the online transcripts. It would have probably been considerably less as I didn't omit out all those "[hold for applause]" bits. Speaking of, no matter what this year they're going to finally abolish that white president stereotype and either a woman or an African American will be sworn in. Man, damn near everyone in the southern states must be going crazy about now.
So, as it stands I'm basically writing an inauguration speech every time I crack open this web page and feel like sharing what's been going on inside of my mind, although I do have those lazy days. Three of my entries so far have been below 400 characters, but that's not bad if you consider almost all of the other ones have been over 4000-6000+. Granted I've never touched base on more important social topics as abortion, or probably anything productive. Still, I'm entertaining and more or less equivalent to free HBO broadcasting.
And yet still bitched about being uncreative if I don't decide to be a walking punchline day in and day out. Everyone always compliments me as being probably the funniest person they've ever met, and yet at the same times slaps me in the face for being "unfunny" if I don't act so swift daily. God forbid I act normal a day I never hear the end of it.
I think, despite being the epitome of creativity all I''ll (recycle) here today this giant list of MSN names I've accumulated over lord knows how long ago now. I used to save them for someone who wanted them all back in a bulk after a few months, but then I just never erased them and it became a habit to put whatever I had thought up each day I used MSN in a notepad. It however captures just how perfectly uncreative I can be on a day to day basis. I wish you could all see me rolling my eyes now.
Oh boy.
(There's probably duplicates, I can't be bothered to skim through all of them looking for them though). Some are risque, but I don't actually BELIEVE any races are superior etc.
;D!
OLD --- (red = credit/reference)
I'm only interested in what she's saying because I want to fuck her.
Q: What do you call a black man in an airplane? A: A pilot you racist jerk.
JESSICA ALBA IS PREGNANT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHE JUST DESTROYED EVERY MALES FANTASY.
Ah, parachute pants. Probably the only piece of clothing during the sexual revolution that was guaranteed to not get you laid.
I remember the first school dance we ever went to, the first song I danced to was "Stop" by the Spice Girls. God I hate myself.
One time, in grade 3 to avoid kissing April, Brad ate 17 handfuls of sand. That's how brutal our girl selection was back then.
I saw a girl at work today who had more facial hair than I've probably grown in my entire life. AND I HAVE TO SHAVE EVERYDAY.
"How hard is it to understand? Halter tops .. YES. Hair wrapped in a bun that looks like Mrs. Daisy? NO." (King of Queens)
i doubt this sinister plan will work but .. bra size please.
Hey! raise your glasses gentlemen. Here's to hoping I get into heaven a half hour before the devil realizes I'm dead.
"There's no pressure David." she said as she told me I have until Tuesday to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life.
There's only 10 more days until you can call my mom and dad and thank them for having unprotected sex on or around May 1st, 1985.
"I'm Lion-O, lord of the Thunder Cats reminding you that kids aren't allowed to drink anything with alcohol in it." (Some American PSA)
Why must I suck so badly on MSN poker. Even Sarah (36% win rate) is currently better than me.
Sometimes I write "Penis" under "Name" on those "Sign for free car!" things at work so the next person who fills it out reads it.
Why is Bell Mobility calling me to remind me I have less than a minute left remaining on my cell phone?
I think I need to hire one of those legitimate masseuses, but that's the cool thing about Edmonton. There aren't any.
Oh, Dick Pole. You have the worst name by far in both the world and MLB.
I ENVY UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE NOT HAVING TO WORK TODAY WAS FANTASTIC.
My new ID card says; "EXPIRES 22 JAN 2013" 22nd of course being my birthday. So just incase.. hey everyone, it's been good.
I'm just saying by now your vagina PROBABLY looks similiar to what it would look like if you sat on a live grenade.
I have a confession guys. In highschool, I wrote, produced and recorded a racist rap song.
will have sex for in-depth mitosis and somatic cellular structure tutorials. .... even if you're a guy.
My cellphone was turned off most of today. I feel very relaxed. I think these two are related.
I'd make the most perfect Vanity magazine cover.
I FEEL LIKE I COULD DEFUSE A MOTHERFUCKING BOMB I'M SO FULL OF ENERGY NOW.
I wonder if anyone actually finds female body builders attractive?
EVERYONE ADDS ME ON MSN THEN NEVER TALKS. I HATE YOU ALL.
I wonder why the last item I looked up on eBay says; "100 .50c Broad Head Blowgun Darts" .. ?!
Can you imagine being a hemophobic and hemophiliac? "OH GOD BLOOD.", "OH GOD I CAN'T STOP BLEEDING.", "OH GOD BLOOD".
"THIS IS NOT A JOKE - CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON! You are the 1,530,608,824th visitor to see this lucky banner."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MY PLANT IS DEAD.
dave has a Cosco© card now. If anyone wants me to buy discounted cereal for them, oh yeah baby. hit me up.
I have that mentality that if I need to be somewhere by 5, and leave at 4:59 I'm technically not late. I'm late a lot.
"... i'm not going to avoid the subject; i would like to make love to you after we are done boot shopping" (some chatlog of a pediophile off NBC).
MY UMBRELLA FOLDED INSIDE OUT IN THE RAIN TODAY. I SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT THAT ONLY HAPPENED IN 1929 SILENT MOVIES.
Peter Forsberg resembling Jesus isn't a coincidence.
OKAY SOMEONE LET'S ELOPE AND HEAD TO VEGAS FOR A WEEK. THAT THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT MY PLACE IN 24-48 HOURS.
I support the removal of Google spell check to see who can really spell on the internet.
The Home Made Simple Squad needs to be shot.
Why is Bell Mobility calling me to remind me I have less than a minute left remaining on my cell phone?
The first bra was invented by New York socialite Mary Jacobs in 1913. She then patented the idea. DAMN HER TO HELL.
I SWEAR I DON'T HAVE A CAPLOCKS FETISH. SORRY ABOUT THE LAST FEW NAMES BEING IN THEM.
That song, "My dick in a box" gave me inspiration on what to get you for Christmas this year.
A lot of people have recently asked if my hair has gotten darker. How does black hair get.. darker?
I ENVY UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. NOT HAVING TO WORK TODAY WAS FANTASTIC.
I wonder if brachiosaur sandwiches were as good as the Flintstones made them out to be.
I HOPE YOU FUCKS JACKING MY MSN NAMES REALIZE THE DAY I STOP UPDATING THAT LIST WILL BE THE SAME DAY YOUR CREATIVITY RUNS OUT
Shannon picked me up; "Fried Hokkien Mee", "Nasi Goreng", "Terung Udang Kering" and.. "Pineapple Fried Rice with Ham and Chicken"
I admit it guys, I had a problem with control yesterday. Waking up ontop of that table reminded me of this.
So did anyone else ever get 90's in home ec? Being able to sew perfectly has made me feel like less of a man.
I'm a moron, yes. I shaved one of my arms to see what it'd look like and I don't have time to shave the other before work.
I'm just saying by now your vagina PROBABLY looks similiar to what it would look like if you sat on a live grenade.
My new ID card says; "EXPIRES 22 JAN 2013" 22nd of course being my birthday. So just incase.. hey everyone, it's been good.
So, looking "14 years" into Limewire trying to download the Guns n' Roses song wasn't a very proficient idea.
Joe Sakic is my God.
i was choking on banana bread.
DAN KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT WALLETS. DON'T EVER BELIEVE HIM FOR A SECOND WHEN HE SAYS HE CAN GIVE YOU WALLET ADVICE.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU GO 18-20 YEARS THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT DEVELOPING SOME KIND OF MASCULINE OR FEMININE CHARACTERISTICS
"There's no place like 192.168.0.0." OH GOD I FEEL SO FULL OF SHAME I UNDERSTOOD THAT JOKE.
I wrote "penis penis penis penis penis" in one of the newspapers at work yesterday. Everyone when they opened it was like "....."
That tiny bit of water that comes out of a ketchup or mustard bottle sometimes has to be the most annoying thing in the world.
I use my debit card like a credit card since If I used my credit card like a debit card I'd be bankrupt.
I owe Dr. Hiashi the sum of one [1] new born baby.
I wish someone would have told me a swollen face is like x300 times more sensitive to a electric razor. Since I didn't know that.
Scientists have recently discovered a new(?) species of dinosaur; "nigersaurus". I wonder how you pronounce that one.
Barry Bonds is 2 homeruns away from being known as the biggest steroid user of all time.
A GAY GUY ADDED ME TO MSN. HELP.
IS THERE SOME WAY I CAN LEGALLY CHARGE OR FINE 14 YEAR OLD HOMOSEXUALS THAT ADD ME TO MSN FOR BEING 14 YEAR OLD HOMOSEXUALS
King of callbacks but not king of calling back.
That medicine increases the risk of... GAMBLING? GAMBLING. That alone is enough to tell you stay away from it.
If I don't shave for even two days I look like I've been unemployed for nine months. I hate it.
If I had a vagina I'd burn it or stab it with something sharp to prevent more people like you from being born.
My horoscope said to be nice to someone, so, .. :). If it said anything else though this would've been riddled with profanity.
Check it out guys, a picture of Kayla. WAIT, she actually has a shirt on in this one?!
mcdonalds should rename park place false hope
Oilers are looking sharp! Though that's probably because Ethan Moreau is injured and hasn't been able to play yet
Scrawny Johnny says: if you wanna apologize for each time you leave msn on while you were out, your msn name would never change
LEOPOLD IS ANOTHER WORD FOR USELESS
NUDITY IN MOVIES HELPS CAREERS!!! I hope Jessica Alba heard that.
I wish I could shed exoskeletons.
So, girls, can one of yall explain to me why you all insist on packing as many xXx's into your MSN names as possible?
Isn't life funny? A doctor can transplant a heart and can't retire after. Tom Green jacks off an elephant and can.
"hey we can meet up at a bowling center and i can show u exactly how good i am."
I think I'll go spray paint on Paris Furs window, "What you're selling is more illegal than what I just wrote."
So just because I broke into your locker and stole some money means you can't trust me anymore!?
If that 20 foot deep by 20 feet wide pothole that can swallow your car doesn't prove we need new roads.. I don't know what does.
Dave will most likely be going skydiving next week. So, start praying if you want me to live.. or die, whatever side you're on.
DAMN SOME KID NEXT DOOR STARTED PRACTICING THE TRUMPET AND HIS MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE TWO CATS HAVING SEX
I heard ballet was coming to Canada and they're going to perform Swan Lake. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THAT ON THE PIANO I'M SO ASHAMED
You know what your laugh sounds like? not "hahaha" or "hehehe", it's more like. hmm. "I'm a jackass!!"
If you can read this - you're not the president.
I think the only thing even remotely female Shaun's come close to touching is the queen in chess. ^o)
Hey! come closer. Let me stick this "May cause vomiting and nausea" sticker on your face -- you know, just incase.
I WILL WHORE MYSELF TO ANYONE WHO PROMISES TO BUY KANYE WESTS CD ON SEPTEMBER 11TH, AND ONLY KANYE WESTS CD.
I wonder if all those icicles we ate off the garage as kids are going to cause some kind of subnormal health defects someday?
One of Shaun's friends, girlfriend is pregnant. Yeah, one of Shaun's. I think that guy's a rapist too.
WHY WAS I NEVER INFORMED THAT A BUFFALO IS ON THE BACK OF AN AMERICAN NICKLE???!
Sometimes I write "Penis" under "Name" on those "Sign for free Jeep!" things at work so the next person who fills it out sees it.
I set my MSN picture to the default one and turned off the option so you can click my web cam since I know this annoys you.
I'm just saying if a hostage had a gun pointed to my face and penis AND threatened to shoot one .... I'd tell him the face.
"PPO also offers many great health benefits, like free monthly physicals."
SORRY MY CONSCIOUS WAS ACTING UP AGAIN.
80% OF YOUR TEETH ARE SOLID GOLD. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOUR BUSINESS BE LEGIT?!?
I'm just saying if that stalker girl looked even half as good as the drinks she keeps buying me taste, I wouldn't be so objected.
who is doctor dirty and why is he emailing me
"EARTH!" "FIRE!" "WIND!" "WATER!" "HEART!" "By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!"
PLEASE EVERYONE WHEN YOU HEAR HEY THERE DELILAH CHANGE THE RADIO STATION OR TURN IT OFF. LET'S GET THIS SHIT OFF THE AIRWAVES
Yeah.. about that. Your 15 minutes of fame has been reduced to 6 seconds. We're tired of seeing idiots on the news.
Look at it this way. If Trump loses and has to shave his head.. it'll be the first time in 59 years he's had a decent haircut.
You suck at dodge ball. So much in fact I actually had time to apply eye drops between your throws.
You're about as useful as tits on a nun.
I swear I have like 4% accuracy with eye drops.
If you want a better Edmonton (and who doesn't!) you'll vote Bill Whatcott for mayor on October 15th.
Yep, leave it to me to make fun of the one girl named Harmony that actually isn't a stripper.
2388.75 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups + You = Death.
that chocolate muffin was AMAZING
Oh God. Nas is in town October 5th and I was invited to go see.. Jesus Christ Superstar instead.
Oh that? yeah sorry. Sometimes I interrupt and speak to myself since whatever I have to say is more interesting than you.
I gave bagels the benefit of the doubt bologna would taste good on them and guess what. It doesn't.
Uhh.. you sure that blow dryer is safe? I don't think it's normal you can dry all your hair in 1.8 seconds.
pizza just isn't a pizza unless something has died on it
It's official. Those Jamacian steel drums? They only sound good in the movies,
To keep my skin acne free sometimes I use Olay (Witch Hazel) Refreshing Toner. This is my unmanly secret of the year.
NOOOOOOOOO THAT PASTA PLACE (though it's probably because it was robbed 19 times in the last year) CLOSED FOR SOME REASON
Okay well I hope you enjoyed Dave showing human emotion. Let's do it again, say sometime next year?
Why does Ali Landry have to destroy her pretty face by wearing so much make up? ;<>>>>> the hours at my job >>>>> there is no difference.
Marionette; n. 1) A jointed figure manipulated from above by strings or wires. 2) Mike.
This room faintly smells of blood, sweat, shattered dreams and hopelessness.
She got the house and the kids. I kept my penis and my soul.
I can't help but notice the thousands of dollars you've spent on personal trainers and gyms hasn't produced any results yet.
"Donald Matheson, 88, has agreed to stay away from the Kinsmen Sports Centre after he was accused of masturbating in the sauna."
Canada playing Weird Al's Canadian Idiot on the radio is proof we deserved to have that song written about us.
I need to stop leaving MSN on. My average response time after logging in has gone from about 11 hours to.. about 11 hours now.
I can't help but notice the thousands of dollars you've spent on personal trainers and gyms hasn't produced any results yet.
If bad luck could win me lotteries I'd be a damn billionaire by now.
YOU think it's hard work being sexy!? man, try being me.
KAYLA IS AN ERECTION SCARECROW
Yeah.. about that. Your 15 minutes of fame has been reduced to 6 seconds. We're tired of seeing idiots on the news.
Usually when I eat jalapenos I get the hiccups. How sexy is that?
YES OH GOD YES (i'm sorry if that turned anyone on) REBECCA GOT HER MOTHERS FAT GENE (i'm also sorry if that turned anyone on)
$50 says Anna Nicole Smith has already had sex with somebody up in heaven. $100 says it's not the 90 year old guy she married.
ALYSSIA WAS RIGHT FOR ONCE I FEEL SO FULL OF SHAME
Even a blind rapist wouldn't touch you.
Yeah, step on to the balcony. It's beautiful, huh? On a good night you can see 7 outta 10 commandments being broken up here.
If I was gay all it'd mean is I could look into a mirror and I'd get turned on by myself.... even more so than now. (H)
You could get pregnant if you sat on Mike's rug.
OFF SNOWBOARDING SEE YA LATER JERKS
I STILL BEHAVED BETTER THAN YOU even though I made jokes about every race, age and gender... and exposed myself to your grandma.
homophobic dave
SELLING GAY WATER
I LOVE YOU JOHN KERRY JUST NOT IN THAT DEMOCRATICALLY ACCEPTABLE WAY.
I'm just saying somethings wrong with the Sunshine Girls when they look like the aliens from Alien vs Predator.
Anyone else ever notice how John Kerry kinda looks like Lurch from the Addams family?
Oh, an Ace and a King. Not bad. We call that the "Anna Kournikova" since it looks pretty good but.. that's about it.
Quit dictating your damn life on MSN. No one fucking cares what you did from 3:29 pm - 3:34 pm yesterday evening.
And in the heat of the moment, Clark Kent completely forgot about his secret identity and jumped thirty feet into the air.
WAIT. I'VE BEEN WEARING A WOMENS APRON FOR THE LAST 8 MONTHS? WHY HASN'T ANYONE TOLD ME!?
Looking for a new sex buddy. Duration; until my girlfriend stops being mad at me.
You're not as young as you were when you started reading this sentence.
Sane, sexy or smart, pick two: cause you're never going to see all three in a woman.
today i ate a salad for lunch and an orange for dessert! i think i may have left my balls at work
WOAH I ACCIDENTLY FELL ASLEEP TAKING A BATH AND WOKE UP CHOKING that wasn't very cool
Can you imagine how horrible that deleted post must have been when the double-fister and rape comments still reside?
I heard ballet was coming to Canada and they were going to perform swans on a lake. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THAT SONG I'M SO ASHAMED.
I objectify women.
OK FINE I LIED. I ONLY OBJECTIFY WOMEN WHEN I'M SOBER
Hey! What's a hip hop sounding word and a hip hop sounding animal? I wanna vandalize Urban Dictionary.
DEAF KIDS CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL
it should be an arrestable offense when grandmas wear tank tops
I'm so smooth. Even though it's like a block away some girl drove me home from work and the child locks trapped me in her car.
You are SO lucky mirrors can't laugh
SELLING MY IMMUNE SYSTEM $10.
I remember when parted hair was cool.
OLD MAN DAVE
Hilary Clinton is running for president? I don't mean to sound 1950's here but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
You ever see that show "Scrubs"? Man, that Dr. Cox guy stole my personality. And my super hero identity. AND my stripper name.
Man, I've boxed for 12 years AND managed to stay as beautiful as I was born. So when I say I can kick your ass, I can kick you ass.
I think I'll remain celibate for the rest of my life. Just to piss you off.
"To try to tell me I can't eat... flesh. That's just weird. I don't even know how to respond to such stupidity." - Ted Nugen
I don't think Weird Al's song White & Nerdy was so much a hit as it was a biography of his life.
And you wonder why internet piracy exists. Microsoft wants me to pay $299 for Microsoft Word 2003. =o
david is getting tired of superstore security
LAY OFF ME I DRINK IN *MODERATION (*moderation being a fictional place that exists after 7 beers.)
Casseau (H)
I AM NO LONGER PERFECT I THINK I NEED STITCHES
I'll tell you something! Fonzi was a fraud. If you kick a juke box expecting music to play, you're just going to break it.
what is a fo shizzle
AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON DR. QUINN THE MEDICINE WOMAN
You could sit her beside Hitler and she'd still look like a bitch.
I know it's hard to believe, but you're actually uglier on the inside than you are the outside.
BAR ROOM HERO
Santa? Satan? The transition into finally combining both holidays into one commercial event wouldn't be as hard as you think.
NO BEER GOGGLES NECESSARY
Leukocyte Pronunciation: 'lü-k&-"sIt Function: noun : WHITE BLOOD CELL
Hey! a) Light a match, b) Burn your vagina. Thx.
I know this is gonna shock some of you but I need to come clean about the truth. Guys, I'm not really a church minister.
Kids? I can't have kids. Yeah it's uhhh.. hereditary. Sorry Katie.
Well, Paris Hilton is still alive. 2007 is off to a bad start.
Sorry Microsoft. It's just that I needed that $299 for FOOD and WATER and basically the essentials to live.
ha, ha. ok. so who the hell signed me up for a 3 day trip to cradle mountain wilderness village in australia.
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? not shamefully market himself on tons of shitty merchandise that's for sure.
"I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this." -- Michael Richards aka Kramer after shouting out "nigger" 7 times.
You know what your laugh sounds like? not "haha" or "hehe", it's more like. hmm. oh yeah; "I'm a selfish bitch!"
That's like the 9th time i've been called Satan today! I'd just make a joke about it, but I think we all know the truth by now.
Hey! come closer. I wanna stick this "May cause vomiting and nausea" sticker on your forehead -- you know, just incase.
You want irony? I'll give you irony. I have a dress shirt that makes me look like a church pastor, now that's irony.
http://www.popsicle.com/activities/comics/jack_comic.cfm
Bruising your ego one day at a time.
It's totally unrelated to my planned trip to Paraguay but I learned today the age of consent in Paraguay is 13.
5 more days of free health-care. $50 says 2007 will be a year I break a record amount of bones and catch all sorts of pandemics.
genetics was my homeboy dawggg. that guy was always there for me for everything. ;D;D;D
Marrying Katie is kinda like winning the lottery. It looks and sounds good at first, but after a couple months and taxes..
SHAUN IS LIVING PROOF OUR MOM HAD AN AFFAIR SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD
POSING IN PICTURES LIKE THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK ANY SMARTER
prodigy hilarious beautiful clever quick witted intelligent non-judgmental compassionate thought provoking god or just dave works
Sarah Silverman? She's that beautiful, slightly racist funny girl. You just look like her, you're not as funny. But as racist..
haha come onnn, mustaches are sexy. Look at who wear them; George Clooney, Sean Connery, uh.. all those cops from 1970's movies.
http://myworld.ebay.com/alexzanderssight WHY THE FUCK IS HE TRYING TO CONTACT ME HE LOOKS LIKE THAT BURGLAR FROM HOME ALONE
© Raising the bar in internet lewdness, hilarity, satire, blasphemy, intelligence and stupidity since 2001.
Is it a disturbing memory I have of my parents when they got divorced the first movie my dad took me to see, was Mrs. Doubtfire?
I want proof of God. And if you tell me to just look at a baby's smile I'm gonna kick you in the stomach.
Dear God. I know too many Dan's. Please eliminate.. 4 of them. Thanks.
I ask you to buy Strawberry halls and you buy me POWER MENTHOL. HOW ARE THOSE FLAVOURS EVEN CLOSE TO EACH OTHER!?
You're a Buddhist? That's ok. After we die we can just continue this conversation in heav.. oh wait.
'cause if it looks like a duck and acts like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck. :D
THAT LEWD GRANDMA AT WORK IS LIKE A SICK PUPPY, SHE NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN IN THE MOST INHUMANE WAY POSSIBLE
i learned today that Canadian health care covers breast reductions. i don't want my tax money going towards that.
when i woke up today i made a blueberry, banana and strawberry milkshake and it tasted like oatmeal ... somethings wrong
IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING THEN STAY THE FUCK OFF THE SIDEWALK
I was sent something today from Boner Avenue in Winnipeg. Immature I know, but come on. You'd think someone woulda objected that.
mannn when you look as good as i do nothing you can do to a girl can be considered sexual assault
They say life begins at 40, but they never tell you when it ends. I suppose it's less creepy this way.
http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/3307/scanyu2.jpg ahh the good ol' grade 7 days (H)
$6.85 in tips yesterday! thanks. WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO BUY FOR A BUNCH OF QUARTERS YOU CHEAP FUCKS
i was accused of robbing a fast food restaurant earlier today
I find that cystic fibrosis commercials where that chicks breathing all heavy strangely erotic.
I was warned for "vehemently mocking" Superstore's standard store security procedures and practices. Is that even a real crime!?
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b67/orangerhymeswithsyringe/cindy.jpg WHICH ONES MICHAEL AND WHICH ONES CINDY?!
anyone notice as a kid when you mixed coke + bubblegum + blueberry + sourgreen + grape in a slurpee it'd still taste like coke?
I think the only thing even remotely female Shaun's come close to touching is the queen in chess. ^o)
I told some kid wearing a Calgary flames jeresy to ask his dad why he doesn't love him today.
Julie* disgusts me, holy. *= SHES BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH DUMP HER ALREADY MIKE SHES A BITCH
I LOOK LIKE A TWELVE YEAR OLD NOW WITHOUT MY BEARD THX SHANNON
If a God truly existed I would have been born sterile.
GORD STEINKE ALMOST RAN OVER ME WITH HIS JEEP
University starts soon! Instead of having to wake up at 7 am to work two jobs I can quit one and get to sleep until.. 7 am now.
Your two cents isn't worth shit! seriously. I sent it in for prognosis and they responded back saying it's actually worth -$5.94
according to my grandmothers will i'm the only grandchild who is supposed to inherit her... $300 worth of thimbles
I just saw a commercial for Ivan Timings Retard Eliminator. You know he could have named his product better.
It's not the skirt that makes you look fat, it's your fat that makes you look fat. There I said it.
buying sleep
i probably look like a psycho to the people on ebay seeing how my last 3 purchases have been a shot glass and two knives
I'd love to stick around but I can't! I have things to do, people to see. Or was that people to do and things to see? either way.
Seriously though, I don't have any problems with gay people. Unless you count my many problems with gay people. Stephen Colbert
Why did you have to be the fastest? oh why couldn't you have been among the 60 million others who died in your mothers uterus?
Ok, you're right. I guess Madonna is sexy.. but that doesn't change the fact she's looked the same way since 1964. It's creepy.
my dog had a california nectarine sticker stuck on her ears for some reason
I now know how Maddox feels when people constantly bitch about him having to be funny all the time.
Bush would make a pretty good rapist. Seeing how he doesn't understand the words "no", "don't" and "stop."
SOMEBODY GIVE BUSH A BLOW JOB SO WE CAN IMPEACH HIM ALREADY
QUIT HITTING ON ME I'M NOT AVAILABLE yet
Yeah? yeah? alright. Dude, bad news. The nursing home just called. The last person that found you funny just died.
Fat chinese girls, now there's something you don't see a lot of these days
I keep the tepic in pedantic! Just like Terry keeps both the hermit and crabs in.. hermit crabs. ^o)
FATCAT
Connie and Percy aren't in love they're vandals. I fucking see that Connie (L)'s Percy shit written everywhere outside.
7 people on my list (L) Stephanie. I can't help but wonder...
BOTH A BUTTERFLY AND A DRAGONFLY FLEW INTO MY EYE TODAY WTF IS WRONG WITH MOTHER NATURE
Why don't we just skip what I think and jump right ahead to not having sex for a month?
"Massage" parlour. If that place down the block wrote "massage" in quotes like that they could probably triple their business.
AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD THAT LIKES GRILLED TOMATO AND MAYO SANDWICHES?!!?
once when i was 13 i wrote penis across this guys truck. ah good times.
Can you imagine how much overtime my guardian angel has probably worked to stop people like God from killing me?
"You're so amazing with animals David..", "Animals? stretch that animals into everything."
WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP WAKING UP AT EXACTLY 7:44 AM
Photo albums just remind us who is dead, who is dying and who is going to die.
Tickle me Elmo, Pogs, Oilers fans. Who would have ever guessed one of those 90's fads would come back this year?
Jon Lovitz is living proof you don't need looks, a sense of humor, personality or any talent at all to succeed in show business!
Some things just aren't funny. Death, unexpected pregnancy, suicide, Larson....
Hey, God! get back to me when you can. My brilliance is becoming somewhat of a burden.
ANIMALS ARE OUR FRIENDS NOT OUR SOULMATES
Grade 2 math was so fucked. "Jimmy has 7 apples.." wait, wait, WHO THE HELL WALKS AROUND WITH 7 APPLES!?
But one night stands *are* just another way of saying I love you. I swear.
Flights to Trinidad are probably so cheap since 95% of the people who go there either get robbed or murdered and never come back.
Stuart was like the Barry Bonds of minor league baseball. Not because he could hit homeruns -- but because no one liked him.
If you believe in magic, hey great. I'll hook you up with my 5 year old cousin and you two can discuss Santa or something.
$10 TO THE ONE WHO CAN SEAL ME IN ICE FOR THE NEXT 60 DAYS
Asking your new girlfriends family if that's new toilet paper really isn't the greatest dinner conversation man.
.-~*(L)(f)§å®ähßêá®(w)(u)*~-. says: you should get into modeling :) // and you should lay off the crack :)
KELLY OSBOURNE IMITATORS/LOOK-ALIKES DON'T BE PROUD OF YOURSELF
I'm so good at barbecuing the cattle die and go to heaven.. after I finish grilling them. (H)
We should change our cities/teams slogan from "you're in oil country!" before Bush tries to invade us. ^o)
"You know how I know you're gay? you have a rainbow bumper sticker that says I like it when balls are in my face.", "THATS gay!?" (the 40 year old virgin)
Looking on the back of a McDonalds fry box and noticing it was copyrighted in 2001 is always reassuring.
You just don't know when to shut your mouth do you? Although.. if you got into the right business it could be profitable.
Remember those (f)'s you stuck in your MSN name honoring the Tsunami victims? yeah? well where are they now? huh?!
Rachel taught me how to be ge.. gen.. generous? Is that what it's called?
A busty blonde with a brain in a shower scene, what more can you ask for man?!
Lesbians, angels. I still can't see where the difference between them is.
so on an entirely different note i bet by tomorrow everyone here will think i have sex with the elderly
"What do we do!?", "Wait a second.. everyone knows pterodactyls can't stand the screech of a guitar!" (Family Guy)
hagfish need love too
Animal sex is one of the most searched phrases in Pakistan. Remind me to never bring my dog there, ever.
50 cent won a song writing award!?! That's like giving Andrea Yates parent of the year.
PMS, pregnancy, cervical cancer, yeast infections.. I once thought we had faults to, but we don't, god gave them all to you ahah.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DATING SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN YOU AND SETTING OFF AMBER ALERTS CAUSE SHES SO FUCKING YOUNG MIKE
Dear God, please save me from your followers. Thanks.
$50 says one of the kids born today (06/06/06) will be crucified or something within the next 20 years.
You keep saying God loves you but that just isn't true. I don't love you. I don't even like you.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HANG A PICTURE OF JESUS IN YOUR BATHROOM THAT'S JUST CREEPY
So do you embrace everyone with open legs?
For only 6¢ a pound that "100% quality beef!" sticker on the package better damn well mean it.
I wonder what handicapped parking is like at the Special Olympics?
If Branflakes reflect whats in that cereal I don't wanna know whats in Honey Nut Cheerios.
So.. our MP's wanna take a $200000 trip to study legalized prostitution. They give a whole new meaning to the term working hard.
They should just add a new entry under plagiarized: "Everything funny Ryan says cause he keeps stealing Daves jokes." :
NO ONE LIKES BUFFALO
I have $23.77 in spare change in my wallet. I think my clever plan to reduce getting change has failed slightly.
All our city needs now is a beach that isn't lethally toxic and we'd be set for summer.
While you're looking up conundrum why don't you check out the definition of sarcastic as well? ^o)
Sorry Alyssia. It's just sometimes I forget you have no HEART or SOUL.
Michael Jackson has accused the courts of picking on him because he's black.
I find it disturbing there's an entry about what to do if you've caught syphilis on the national kids health website.
Anyone remember those PJ days when we came to school in pajamas? *that's* probably the reason why teachers are fucking students.
"Dude, Clark Kent can cook hamburgers with his eyes, you think he could be Superman?", "nah.. just talented."
"I used the n-word instead of Trevor," Vanbiesbrouck explained. [how does that even happen..?] "yo coach", "hey tre..nigger." ?!
SLANDER FREE FOR 0 DAYS
De Beers should change their logo to a silhouette of a girl kneeling and their slogan to "Diamonds, she damn well better by now." (family guy, sort of)
fried chicken parts, battered ham, crusty buns.... food sure sounded cooler back when i was a kid
Sure, your shirt says princess.. but your face says whore.
www.nice-tits.org is a very misleading webpage.
Is it coincidence Judge Judy Sheindlin rhymes with 63 year old intact hymen? .. I think not.
LARSON I STILL HAVE YOUR HOODY HERE AND IF YOU DON'T COME PICK IT UP BY TOMORROW I'M SELLING IT TO OLD NAVY FOR $10
I was sent something today from Boner Avenue in Winnipeg. Immature I know, but come on. You'd think someone woulda objected that.
I am now completely convinced Aebischer would make a better hooker than a goalie with all the shit he lets inbetween his legs.
We gotta find a bar with a different name. Saying we're going to Fabio's tonight to get hammered doesn't come out like it should.
We could be superheros Katie. My secret identity could be .. The Insidious Pirate, and you can be my loyal sidekick, Smegma girl.
Note to self: never borrow Alyssia's chapsick again. I looked like a freak putting "Melon Melody" on my lips yesterday. :
Hey now, I gave you the option of breakfast in bed. It isn't my fault though you didn't wanna sleep in the kitchen.
If "Mike" and "hilarious" are written beside eachother does that qualify as an oxymoron? :D
If you think butterflies and rainbows are special you should see my dick.
Don't tell me to shut up while I'm interrupting you.
The king of things best left unsaid. xD
All i'm saying is with a dead parrot those exorbitant vet bills you always complain about are bound to decrease.
When will our generation realize Jennifer Lopez sings about as good as Christopher Reeves can square dance?
Man, my dog gets out more than you... and he's fixed.
For someone of his religious stature, Billy Graham sure looks eerily satanic.
We should form an anti-soccer mom association.
I've made more eyes roll and heads shake than epilepsy and parkinsons combined.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing.
We figure the depths of hell will have pirates, gargoyles, nagas, demons.. and women telling their best jokes around the clock.
haha wow, sucks to be on death row in oklahoma. if you can't be injected or electricuted the only other option is a firing squad.
"It's also good to know that they're made with 100% non-hydrongenated canola oil", ya cause that's what I look for everytime i buy food.
Ok, call me a stereotypical ass if you must, but I find it ironic you're asian Wayne and you've set your name to "Science Fair!!!"
Why would you do a presentation about food in Africa? one of the major problems Africa has is not having any food.
Why does America have a chain of home furnishing stores called "Badcocks"?
If a decent bra size equalled intelligence, 95% of you would be geniuses. ^o)
ya, cause when i specifically asked for cinnamon toast crunch i meant pick me up oatmeal crisp instead. thanks mike. (y)
PULL A JENNIFER WILBANKS NIKKI AND RUN YOU'RE TOO FUCKING YOUNG TO BE GETTIN' MARRIED
(nah) if this goat was a goat in real-life he'd probably be unpopular.
Relax dude, marriage concerns are completely normal. Besides, I'm sure one day you'll make some girl a very lucky third husband.
If hurricanes are considered an act of god, god must be really pissed off at America this year.
Johnny says: i just ate canned ham (h)
Colorado lost 4-3 against the Oilers today. Excuse me while I go hang myself.
Mike says: dude it was more like, fireworks + dave = deadly situation.
Oh man, I'm a fucking dumbass. I instinctively tried to catch an iron I accidently knocked off the ironing board this morning. xD
Bill Cosby says: fuck bill cosby
<- intellectual poison. One day karma's gonna catch up with me and he's gonna kick my fucking ass. IF I KNEW WHO OWNED THAT KOKANEE VAN A BLOCK AWAY I'D BE WASTED ALL THE TIME Has anyone seen that library commercial with that chick "Amy"? .. I bet after it aired her friends said, "you're a girl?!" You know you live in Canada when your little cousins halloween costume is also her winter jacket... 10 years in a row. Love is.. not supposed to be dictated by two 8 year old naked kids that's for sure. WHY WASN'T HE ARRESTED DRAWING THOSE COMICS!? Is there some sort of poison gas that we can make that'll only affect annoying 10-14 year olds So, Brad Pitt is in Edmonton this week filming for a new movie. $50 says once he's done he'll never visit Edmonton again. My baby cousin can say "kitty", "chicken", "fish", "epicoracohumeraler", .... haha nah I joke, she can't really say "kitty". www.walletowl.com has to be the best infomercial ever. If movies can influence a generation or race, I wonder how many black kids bought pacifiers after watching boys in the hood. You know the more I look back on it the more i'm convinced it's a miracle we never got to use our babysitters licenses. I'm just saying sometimes my dick is as smart as my brain, and if you've always wanted to have my brain for a day, well.. DID DAKOTA FANNING EAT RAZOR BLADES OR SOMETHING AS A KID CAUSE WHEN SHE SMILES IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING IS DYING IN HER MOUTH Hey guys, I have a small request today. If your MSN name starts with "M" and ends with "ike", don't message me! :D I think i'll start murdering the christians who tell me i'm going to hell, just so they can have the satisfaction of being right. I MAY HAVE ALZHEIMERS BUT AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMERS Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes! Read it a couple times. i'm so clever. Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. (futurama)
Charlie Brown has to be the biggest loser in the world. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. (Chris Rock)
Bible or not, 'kneeling' and 'disappearing into Jesus' shouldn't ever be in the same sentence.
I wonder how many unsuspecting star struck people Richard Dawson gave mono to? Subject: "wut is tha krunkest color" / "REP THE ZODIAC SIGN LEO" / "Rep Yo Bra Size !" <- I like how that guy tried to fit in. haha oh man Sega apparently means masturbate in italian The very first bomb dropped by the allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. bahaha. (pi)(tu) haha he's eating. Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. The VOLCANO RABBIT, which often lives on [in]active volcanos 8000-13000 feet above ground, is *somehow* an endangered species! :O If you're having a weird vaginal discharge that's white and clumpy, you might have something called a yeast infection. Dikephobia is the fear of justice. I can honestly say I didn't expect it to mean that. So I said to the hobo, "ha, yeah, like you could beat me in a violin duel pal." If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong hey then I don't wanna be right. (Futurama again)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/d_vo/9937.html -- Anonymous is my hero.
Yeah, because that freaky t('.'t) face makes your online fuck you seem even more rebellious.
People with 36ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ chests need to die. seriously.
WHY THE FUCK IS THE QUAIL CONSIDERED A FOOD IN AMERICA
Male deer masturbate by rubbing their antlers on a tree or on the ground, which swiftly produces an erection and ejaculation.
I just hope and pray after I die God doesn't end up being a woman. If she is i'll be fucked in more than one way. (h)
Johnny says: u just sign in, and u go afk, why not just stay offline you fucking jackass
Sorry Katie! I swear to god though I thought you were wearing one of those braille name tags.
Cannibalism is not a recognized offence under German law. (Some law website)
You call it a drinking problem, I call it a reality exit strategy. (A random quotes page)
Something tells me the scientists who discovered and named the Sperm and Humpback whales weren't very chaste people.
I hate to say it boys.. but the 1998 special education class had a better school photo than we did in our grade 5-6 year.
Save $10.00 off with a coupon for mole extermination
"Niggardly" is a genuine english word which is defined as "Grudging and petty in giving or spending." ............... how ironic.
I can so see Bob Barker haggling grocery store clerks over the actual retail price of a can of soup.
Currently 9 people on my list have (u)'s in their MSN names. haha@unrequited love.
So, yesterday I accidently withdrew $800 instead of $80 at the gas station ATM. That wasn't very cool.
I find it kinda ironic a black guy starred in that oldschool show, "Reading Rainbow".
Sigmund Freud is mentioned in the following topics: Freudian (Science), Psychoanalytic School, Hysteria (Science), Penis envy
"(l)Sarah", "I (l) Kayla" etc, everyone has love in their names... I suppppose I can do the same. I (l) fellatio!
Call me pessimistic but.. I think it's about time our city changed our "City of Champions" slogan to something more realistic.
Michael Jackson went to see the play "Billy Elliot" a week ago, which is a play about a young boy.. he makes this too easy.
It'd be kinda funny if Pope #112, theologically predicted by St. Malachy as the sole antichrist, turned out to be black.
I think I'm gonna die today and everyone who hurt me's gonna pay says: sandwich is good :P
Leslie Nielson has perfected the arts of anti-aging and longevity.
THE FUCKING SPACE KEY IS THE BIGGEST KEY ON THE KEYBOARD WHY ARE YOU UNABLE TO HIT IT
Frans Drescher laughs like a woodpecker.
I wonder just how many of our mothers bought those little pink barbells expecting lean muscular results.
LET'S GO SHOOT HOOPS SOMEONE AND YES I AM AWARE IT LOOKS LIKE TORNADOS ARE GONNA TOUCH DOWN OUTSIDE
i think i damaged the part of my brain that controls how long you sleep for drinking yesterday
Kickass country songs; if such a genre does exist someone do recommend a few.
If it wasn't for the pick pockets, Addison would have no sex life. (h)
Why is Craig Ferguson still on the air? He's bombed more jokes than hitlers killed jews.
u look so sweet like angel u wana chat to have fun and talk about sex and show me ur brast add me to chat msn aha-010@hotmail.com
I could crash my car into an ambulance and it'd still take an ambulance like 17 minutes to get there.
Menarche, anarchy.. come on it's not a coincidence those two words are almost (spelt) exactly the same.
DEBRA LEFAVE IS A HERO TO SOCIETY
"I can never find extra-small condoms [...]" - Enrique Iglesias.
I'd just agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
As the holidays are approaching; I feel the need to warn everyone about how common (in)visible bugs in chocolate actually are! =D
I just hope and pray Boughner and Semin don't end up playing together on the same team some day.
ahahahaha, one of my ancestors was allegedly a pirate who stole over 10000 fish from a french merchant ship in harbour grace.
SAKIC I LOVE YOU I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I DO
WET -- the very reason why there's no abbreviated White Entertainment Television network like BET.
Daisy does America has to be the most misleading show title ever.
"Friendship is colorblind!" ................ until he steals your stereo.
How do you comb your hair in the morning so it actually covers up the horns? (Scrubs)
The more I look at old school pictures.. the more I realize I had no idea what a haircut was until grade 7.
The tin of cookies my grandma bought me for Christmas.. look more expensive than our house.
uhh... underwater womens hockey. i wonder if thats actually considered a sport over a twisted hockey fetish
Can you drink an ice cold kid while watching the game? I didn't think so.. which is why I support beer over kids. (h)
haha what the, since we last attended our old church (8-10 years ago) two people who also attended it are now in jail.
Women need us just as much as we need them. Why? Because we can do the job and you can't take a battery home to meet your mother. (married with children! ;D)
I shower with Suave because Herbal Essences doesn't describe me as perfectly.
They say if a girl loves you, they'll laugh at all your jokes. I've never been able to tell if someone loved me or not. (h)
All forms of hockey commentary should be banned when Alexander Semin is on the ice.
Orchids, tulips, lilies, dahlias.. keep putting shit on your tampon boxes, not like it'll make you feel better every month. xD
You'll never meet anyone else like you.. and don't take that as a compliment.
"God is dead -- Nietzsche." ... "Nietzsche is dead -- God."
Do you have PMS today or are you always this bitchy?
I asked Weird Al for free money and he said no.
I care about your health :) that's why i've decided and go into cytopathology to learn how to issue pap smears and mammograms.
"Classy" if you exclude lewd, vulgar, "are you fucking insane dave?", bastard and sadistic, has always been my middle name.
Oh man Dan.. in the era of ninja turtles, power rangers and mighty ducks .. why did you have to pick my little pony?
ahahahahaha whiskey shot outta larsons nose. :D pussssssssssy couldn't handle a shot.
^o)£ãr§ôñï§t(H) says: unless you change that name right now i will tell ryan you don't wanna play on his team
What do you mean I have a horrible taste in selecting epic movies? "Gay Niggers from Outer Space" sounded promising to me.
And if over 80% of America struggles with obesity.. in 30 years from now who's gonna replace the retired firefighters?
I wonder when Bush's approval rating is going to sink lower than his IQ. It's like at 31% now? You'd think it'd happen by now.
So, Wayne, yanno' being Asian and all.. have you ever gone to someones house and fought off an urge to eat their cat?
I'd still love you if you became blind, like you'd still love me even if I had a threesome with your two bestfriends.. right.
I'd just ask you to swear over a bible or something but I know how that contact with holy stuff makes your skin sizzle.
The only way I'm buying another new huge ass TV in the future is if it weighs even less than Mary-Kate Olson does. :]
Thanks for your heartfelt sentiments, but if I ever really gave a fuck about anything I sure as hell wouldn't ask you about it.
Sex.com is the closest you've ever come to a virgin, or.. the keyboard is if you want that delivered even more tastelessly.
haha oh man Sega apparently means masturbate in italian
Why the hell is there a Miss Jalapeño beauty pageant?
Why did they keep a lifeguard at the top of that 80 foot waterslide, anyway?
Angels do exist! they're just more commonly referred to as lesbians though.
The only way this flight could get any cheaper is if you got on it.
Jodie and I found like a dead body or some shit yesterday.
Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? / A: 1 U.S. leader xD (Some joke page)
As if Ford wasn't deadly enough, they had to hire that fucking psycho off of phone booth to voice their commercials.
"Sharks only attack humans when they confuse humans as food." ... and remind me again, exactly what else do sharks see us as?
If I see you in Heaven it's because I found out how to break in
Peñíscola has to be the most horribly named city in the world.
Johnny's mom has scored more than Wayne Gretzky and Gordie Howe combined. (h)
Oh my God it's like you can read my mind --- you're right, I didn't fucking care.
giddy up says: there is a really sweet side to u // giddy up says: just admit it..
God? a female..? ahahhahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahaha I mean ya it's possible.
I know a lot of moms that play hockey too... you know, just so they can say they still score once and a while.
If I had a dime for every dime I have I'd still be poor.
My dad grew up in Canada in the 70's. If you wanna know what Canada was like in the 70's, visit it now.
"Illegal", funny how that word continues to sum up Bush and his administrations actions every week.
"Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me!(8)" they really coulda made that more crustacean and/or sea related
And it was only yesterday while playing road hockey I accidently stumbled upon the fact I am a god.
Jag heter David och har okontrollerat sex med taggbuskar
You've had your personal message set to "shower" for over a day now.. and we all know you don't take them that often.
Hey! Dick Pole. You have the worst name by far in both the world, and the MLB.
-
I'm thoroughly exhausted lately, I don't know what's going on. Although I'm probably averaging eight hours of sleep per night - it still feels as if I've been up the last seven weeks. So sluggish, so tired, so energy-less. Although I've still been rather busy the last few days it seems all I feel like doing once I get home and around 8 p.m. is sleep. I guess it's okay, I always just assumed that old saying "no rest for the wicked" was both created about me and applied specifically to me. I guess it does.
I stumbled upon this nifty program a while ago called, actually, I don't know what it's called. It SAYS "CntChars" so I assume that's short for Count Characters. How lazy do you have to be to abbreviate the U and O out of count? Well, anyway, it's useful if you're writing a lot of essays and papers and stuff. All you have to do is highlight the body of a text in a notepad and it instantly shows you how many characters you've written in total (in case there's a restriction on how many the professor wants you to write). Like for example, copying and pasting it into a pad at this point says I've written:
1211 characters.
So what was the purpose of sharing that with everyone?
I don't really know actually.
It made me curious to see how much I write in these entries in general and apparently the longest entry (the first one I ever written) was over 10000. On average it seems I write 6000 characters, and for for a comparison one of Hillary Clinton's speeches she gave on March 4th in New York (I believe about abortion) was 7779 according to the online transcripts. It would have probably been considerably less as I didn't omit out all those "[hold for applause]" bits. Speaking of, no matter what this year they're going to finally abolish that white president stereotype and either a woman or an African American will be sworn in. Man, damn near everyone in the southern states must be going crazy about now.
So, as it stands I'm basically writing an inauguration speech every time I crack open this web page and feel like sharing what's been going on inside of my mind, although I do have those lazy days. Three of my entries so far have been below 400 characters, but that's not bad if you consider almost all of the other ones have been over 4000-6000+. Granted I've never touched base on more important social topics as abortion, or probably anything productive. Still, I'm entertaining and more or less equivalent to free HBO broadcasting.
And yet still bitched about being uncreative if I don't decide to be a walking punchline day in and day out. Everyone always compliments me as being probably the funniest person they've ever met, and yet at the same times slaps me in the face for being "unfunny" if I don't act so swift daily. God forbid I act normal a day I never hear the end of it.
I think, despite being the epitome of creativity all I''ll (recycle) here today this giant list of MSN names I've accumulated over lord knows how long ago now. I used to save them for someone who wanted them all back in a bulk after a few months, but then I just never erased them and it became a habit to put whatever I had thought up each day I used MSN in a notepad. It however captures just how perfectly uncreative I can be on a day to day basis. I wish you could all see me rolling my eyes now.
Oh boy.
(There's probably duplicates, I can't be bothered to skim through all of them looking for them though). Some are risque, but I don't actually BELIEVE any races are superior etc.
;D!
OLD --- (red = credit/reference)
I'm only interested in what she's saying because I want to fuck her.
Q: What do you call a black man in an airplane? A: A pilot you racist jerk.
JESSICA ALBA IS PREGNANT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHE JUST DESTROYED EVERY MALES FANTASY.
Ah, parachute pants. Probably the only piece of clothing during the sexual revolution that was guaranteed to not get you laid.
I remember the first school dance we ever went to, the first song I danced to was "Stop" by the Spice Girls. God I hate myself.
One time, in grade 3 to avoid kissing April, Brad ate 17 handfuls of sand. That's how brutal our girl selection was back then.
I saw a girl at work today who had more facial hair than I've probably grown in my entire life. AND I HAVE TO SHAVE EVERYDAY.
"How hard is it to understand? Halter tops .. YES. Hair wrapped in a bun that looks like Mrs. Daisy? NO." (King of Queens)
i doubt this sinister plan will work but .. bra size please.
Hey! raise your glasses gentlemen. Here's to hoping I get into heaven a half hour before the devil realizes I'm dead.
"There's no pressure David." she said as she told me I have until Tuesday to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life.
There's only 10 more days until you can call my mom and dad and thank them for having unprotected sex on or around May 1st, 1985.
"I'm Lion-O, lord of the Thunder Cats reminding you that kids aren't allowed to drink anything with alcohol in it." (Some American PSA)
Why must I suck so badly on MSN poker. Even Sarah (36% win rate) is currently better than me.
Sometimes I write "Penis" under "Name" on those "Sign for free car!" things at work so the next person who fills it out reads it.
Why is Bell Mobility calling me to remind me I have less than a minute left remaining on my cell phone?
I think I need to hire one of those legitimate masseuses, but that's the cool thing about Edmonton. There aren't any.
Oh, Dick Pole. You have the worst name by far in both the world and MLB.
I ENVY UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE NOT HAVING TO WORK TODAY WAS FANTASTIC.
My new ID card says; "EXPIRES 22 JAN 2013" 22nd of course being my birthday. So just incase.. hey everyone, it's been good.
I'm just saying by now your vagina PROBABLY looks similiar to what it would look like if you sat on a live grenade.
I have a confession guys. In highschool, I wrote, produced and recorded a racist rap song.
will have sex for in-depth mitosis and somatic cellular structure tutorials. .... even if you're a guy.
My cellphone was turned off most of today. I feel very relaxed. I think these two are related.
I'd make the most perfect Vanity magazine cover.
I FEEL LIKE I COULD DEFUSE A MOTHERFUCKING BOMB I'M SO FULL OF ENERGY NOW.
I wonder if anyone actually finds female body builders attractive?
EVERYONE ADDS ME ON MSN THEN NEVER TALKS. I HATE YOU ALL.
I wonder why the last item I looked up on eBay says; "100 .50c Broad Head Blowgun Darts" .. ?!
Can you imagine being a hemophobic and hemophiliac? "OH GOD BLOOD.", "OH GOD I CAN'T STOP BLEEDING.", "OH GOD BLOOD".
"THIS IS NOT A JOKE - CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON! You are the 1,530,608,824th visitor to see this lucky banner."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MY PLANT IS DEAD.
dave has a Cosco© card now. If anyone wants me to buy discounted cereal for them, oh yeah baby. hit me up.
I have that mentality that if I need to be somewhere by 5, and leave at 4:59 I'm technically not late. I'm late a lot.
"... i'm not going to avoid the subject; i would like to make love to you after we are done boot shopping" (some chatlog of a pediophile off NBC).
MY UMBRELLA FOLDED INSIDE OUT IN THE RAIN TODAY. I SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT THAT ONLY HAPPENED IN 1929 SILENT MOVIES.
Peter Forsberg resembling Jesus isn't a coincidence.
OKAY SOMEONE LET'S ELOPE AND HEAD TO VEGAS FOR A WEEK. THAT THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE AT MY PLACE IN 24-48 HOURS.
I support the removal of Google spell check to see who can really spell on the internet.
The Home Made Simple Squad needs to be shot.
Why is Bell Mobility calling me to remind me I have less than a minute left remaining on my cell phone?
The first bra was invented by New York socialite Mary Jacobs in 1913. She then patented the idea. DAMN HER TO HELL.
I SWEAR I DON'T HAVE A CAPLOCKS FETISH. SORRY ABOUT THE LAST FEW NAMES BEING IN THEM.
That song, "My dick in a box" gave me inspiration on what to get you for Christmas this year.
A lot of people have recently asked if my hair has gotten darker. How does black hair get.. darker?
I ENVY UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. NOT HAVING TO WORK TODAY WAS FANTASTIC.
I wonder if brachiosaur sandwiches were as good as the Flintstones made them out to be.
I HOPE YOU FUCKS JACKING MY MSN NAMES REALIZE THE DAY I STOP UPDATING THAT LIST WILL BE THE SAME DAY YOUR CREATIVITY RUNS OUT
Shannon picked me up; "Fried Hokkien Mee", "Nasi Goreng", "Terung Udang Kering" and.. "Pineapple Fried Rice with Ham and Chicken"
I admit it guys, I had a problem with control yesterday. Waking up ontop of that table reminded me of this.
So did anyone else ever get 90's in home ec? Being able to sew perfectly has made me feel like less of a man.
I'm a moron, yes. I shaved one of my arms to see what it'd look like and I don't have time to shave the other before work.
I'm just saying by now your vagina PROBABLY looks similiar to what it would look like if you sat on a live grenade.
My new ID card says; "EXPIRES 22 JAN 2013" 22nd of course being my birthday. So just incase.. hey everyone, it's been good.
So, looking "14 years" into Limewire trying to download the Guns n' Roses song wasn't a very proficient idea.
Joe Sakic is my God.
i was choking on banana bread.
DAN KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT WALLETS. DON'T EVER BELIEVE HIM FOR A SECOND WHEN HE SAYS HE CAN GIVE YOU WALLET ADVICE.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU GO 18-20 YEARS THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT DEVELOPING SOME KIND OF MASCULINE OR FEMININE CHARACTERISTICS
"There's no place like 192.168.0.0." OH GOD I FEEL SO FULL OF SHAME I UNDERSTOOD THAT JOKE.
I wrote "penis penis penis penis penis" in one of the newspapers at work yesterday. Everyone when they opened it was like "....."
That tiny bit of water that comes out of a ketchup or mustard bottle sometimes has to be the most annoying thing in the world.
I use my debit card like a credit card since If I used my credit card like a debit card I'd be bankrupt.
I owe Dr. Hiashi the sum of one [1] new born baby.
I wish someone would have told me a swollen face is like x300 times more sensitive to a electric razor. Since I didn't know that.
Scientists have recently discovered a new(?) species of dinosaur; "nigersaurus". I wonder how you pronounce that one.
Barry Bonds is 2 homeruns away from being known as the biggest steroid user of all time.
A GAY GUY ADDED ME TO MSN. HELP.
IS THERE SOME WAY I CAN LEGALLY CHARGE OR FINE 14 YEAR OLD HOMOSEXUALS THAT ADD ME TO MSN FOR BEING 14 YEAR OLD HOMOSEXUALS
King of callbacks but not king of calling back.
That medicine increases the risk of... GAMBLING? GAMBLING. That alone is enough to tell you stay away from it.
If I don't shave for even two days I look like I've been unemployed for nine months. I hate it.
If I had a vagina I'd burn it or stab it with something sharp to prevent more people like you from being born.
My horoscope said to be nice to someone, so, .. :). If it said anything else though this would've been riddled with profanity.
Check it out guys, a picture of Kayla. WAIT, she actually has a shirt on in this one?!
mcdonalds should rename park place false hope
Oilers are looking sharp! Though that's probably because Ethan Moreau is injured and hasn't been able to play yet
Scrawny Johnny says: if you wanna apologize for each time you leave msn on while you were out, your msn name would never change
LEOPOLD IS ANOTHER WORD FOR USELESS
NUDITY IN MOVIES HELPS CAREERS!!! I hope Jessica Alba heard that.
I wish I could shed exoskeletons.
So, girls, can one of yall explain to me why you all insist on packing as many xXx's into your MSN names as possible?
Isn't life funny? A doctor can transplant a heart and can't retire after. Tom Green jacks off an elephant and can.
"hey we can meet up at a bowling center and i can show u exactly how good i am."
I think I'll go spray paint on Paris Furs window, "What you're selling is more illegal than what I just wrote."
So just because I broke into your locker and stole some money means you can't trust me anymore!?
If that 20 foot deep by 20 feet wide pothole that can swallow your car doesn't prove we need new roads.. I don't know what does.
Dave will most likely be going skydiving next week. So, start praying if you want me to live.. or die, whatever side you're on.
DAMN SOME KID NEXT DOOR STARTED PRACTICING THE TRUMPET AND HIS MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE TWO CATS HAVING SEX
I heard ballet was coming to Canada and they're going to perform Swan Lake. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THAT ON THE PIANO I'M SO ASHAMED
You know what your laugh sounds like? not "hahaha" or "hehehe", it's more like. hmm. "I'm a jackass!!"
If you can read this - you're not the president.
I think the only thing even remotely female Shaun's come close to touching is the queen in chess. ^o)
Hey! come closer. Let me stick this "May cause vomiting and nausea" sticker on your face -- you know, just incase.
I WILL WHORE MYSELF TO ANYONE WHO PROMISES TO BUY KANYE WESTS CD ON SEPTEMBER 11TH, AND ONLY KANYE WESTS CD.
I wonder if all those icicles we ate off the garage as kids are going to cause some kind of subnormal health defects someday?
One of Shaun's friends, girlfriend is pregnant. Yeah, one of Shaun's. I think that guy's a rapist too.
WHY WAS I NEVER INFORMED THAT A BUFFALO IS ON THE BACK OF AN AMERICAN NICKLE???!
Sometimes I write "Penis" under "Name" on those "Sign for free Jeep!" things at work so the next person who fills it out sees it.
I set my MSN picture to the default one and turned off the option so you can click my web cam since I know this annoys you.
I'm just saying if a hostage had a gun pointed to my face and penis AND threatened to shoot one .... I'd tell him the face.
"PPO also offers many great health benefits, like free monthly physicals."
SORRY MY CONSCIOUS WAS ACTING UP AGAIN.
80% OF YOUR TEETH ARE SOLID GOLD. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOUR BUSINESS BE LEGIT?!?
I'm just saying if that stalker girl looked even half as good as the drinks she keeps buying me taste, I wouldn't be so objected.
who is doctor dirty and why is he emailing me
"EARTH!" "FIRE!" "WIND!" "WATER!" "HEART!" "By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!"
PLEASE EVERYONE WHEN YOU HEAR HEY THERE DELILAH CHANGE THE RADIO STATION OR TURN IT OFF. LET'S GET THIS SHIT OFF THE AIRWAVES
Yeah.. about that. Your 15 minutes of fame has been reduced to 6 seconds. We're tired of seeing idiots on the news.
Look at it this way. If Trump loses and has to shave his head.. it'll be the first time in 59 years he's had a decent haircut.
You suck at dodge ball. So much in fact I actually had time to apply eye drops between your throws.
You're about as useful as tits on a nun.
I swear I have like 4% accuracy with eye drops.
If you want a better Edmonton (and who doesn't!) you'll vote Bill Whatcott for mayor on October 15th.
Yep, leave it to me to make fun of the one girl named Harmony that actually isn't a stripper.
2388.75 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups + You = Death.
that chocolate muffin was AMAZING
Oh God. Nas is in town October 5th and I was invited to go see.. Jesus Christ Superstar instead.
Oh that? yeah sorry. Sometimes I interrupt and speak to myself since whatever I have to say is more interesting than you.
I gave bagels the benefit of the doubt bologna would taste good on them and guess what. It doesn't.
Uhh.. you sure that blow dryer is safe? I don't think it's normal you can dry all your hair in 1.8 seconds.
pizza just isn't a pizza unless something has died on it
It's official. Those Jamacian steel drums? They only sound good in the movies,
To keep my skin acne free sometimes I use Olay (Witch Hazel) Refreshing Toner. This is my unmanly secret of the year.
NOOOOOOOOO THAT PASTA PLACE (though it's probably because it was robbed 19 times in the last year) CLOSED FOR SOME REASON
Okay well I hope you enjoyed Dave showing human emotion. Let's do it again, say sometime next year?
Why does Ali Landry have to destroy her pretty face by wearing so much make up? ;<>>>>> the hours at my job >>>>> there is no difference.
Marionette; n. 1) A jointed figure manipulated from above by strings or wires. 2) Mike.
This room faintly smells of blood, sweat, shattered dreams and hopelessness.
She got the house and the kids. I kept my penis and my soul.
I can't help but notice the thousands of dollars you've spent on personal trainers and gyms hasn't produced any results yet.
"Donald Matheson, 88, has agreed to stay away from the Kinsmen Sports Centre after he was accused of masturbating in the sauna."
Canada playing Weird Al's Canadian Idiot on the radio is proof we deserved to have that song written about us.
I need to stop leaving MSN on. My average response time after logging in has gone from about 11 hours to.. about 11 hours now.
I can't help but notice the thousands of dollars you've spent on personal trainers and gyms hasn't produced any results yet.
If bad luck could win me lotteries I'd be a damn billionaire by now.
YOU think it's hard work being sexy!? man, try being me.
KAYLA IS AN ERECTION SCARECROW
Yeah.. about that. Your 15 minutes of fame has been reduced to 6 seconds. We're tired of seeing idiots on the news.
Usually when I eat jalapenos I get the hiccups. How sexy is that?
YES OH GOD YES (i'm sorry if that turned anyone on) REBECCA GOT HER MOTHERS FAT GENE (i'm also sorry if that turned anyone on)
$50 says Anna Nicole Smith has already had sex with somebody up in heaven. $100 says it's not the 90 year old guy she married.
ALYSSIA WAS RIGHT FOR ONCE I FEEL SO FULL OF SHAME
Even a blind rapist wouldn't touch you.
Yeah, step on to the balcony. It's beautiful, huh? On a good night you can see 7 outta 10 commandments being broken up here.
If I was gay all it'd mean is I could look into a mirror and I'd get turned on by myself.... even more so than now. (H)
You could get pregnant if you sat on Mike's rug.
OFF SNOWBOARDING SEE YA LATER JERKS
I STILL BEHAVED BETTER THAN YOU even though I made jokes about every race, age and gender... and exposed myself to your grandma.
homophobic dave
SELLING GAY WATER
I LOVE YOU JOHN KERRY JUST NOT IN THAT DEMOCRATICALLY ACCEPTABLE WAY.
I'm just saying somethings wrong with the Sunshine Girls when they look like the aliens from Alien vs Predator.
Anyone else ever notice how John Kerry kinda looks like Lurch from the Addams family?
Oh, an Ace and a King. Not bad. We call that the "Anna Kournikova" since it looks pretty good but.. that's about it.
Quit dictating your damn life on MSN. No one fucking cares what you did from 3:29 pm - 3:34 pm yesterday evening.
And in the heat of the moment, Clark Kent completely forgot about his secret identity and jumped thirty feet into the air.
WAIT. I'VE BEEN WEARING A WOMENS APRON FOR THE LAST 8 MONTHS? WHY HASN'T ANYONE TOLD ME!?
Looking for a new sex buddy. Duration; until my girlfriend stops being mad at me.
You're not as young as you were when you started reading this sentence.
Sane, sexy or smart, pick two: cause you're never going to see all three in a woman.
today i ate a salad for lunch and an orange for dessert! i think i may have left my balls at work
WOAH I ACCIDENTLY FELL ASLEEP TAKING A BATH AND WOKE UP CHOKING that wasn't very cool
Can you imagine how horrible that deleted post must have been when the double-fister and rape comments still reside?
I heard ballet was coming to Canada and they were going to perform swans on a lake. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THAT SONG I'M SO ASHAMED.
I objectify women.
OK FINE I LIED. I ONLY OBJECTIFY WOMEN WHEN I'M SOBER
Hey! What's a hip hop sounding word and a hip hop sounding animal? I wanna vandalize Urban Dictionary.
DEAF KIDS CAN'T PLAY BASEBALL
it should be an arrestable offense when grandmas wear tank tops
I'm so smooth. Even though it's like a block away some girl drove me home from work and the child locks trapped me in her car.
You are SO lucky mirrors can't laugh
SELLING MY IMMUNE SYSTEM $10.
I remember when parted hair was cool.
OLD MAN DAVE
Hilary Clinton is running for president? I don't mean to sound 1950's here but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
You ever see that show "Scrubs"? Man, that Dr. Cox guy stole my personality. And my super hero identity. AND my stripper name.
Man, I've boxed for 12 years AND managed to stay as beautiful as I was born. So when I say I can kick your ass, I can kick you ass.
I think I'll remain celibate for the rest of my life. Just to piss you off.
"To try to tell me I can't eat... flesh. That's just weird. I don't even know how to respond to such stupidity." - Ted Nugen
I don't think Weird Al's song White & Nerdy was so much a hit as it was a biography of his life.
And you wonder why internet piracy exists. Microsoft wants me to pay $299 for Microsoft Word 2003. =o
david is getting tired of superstore security
LAY OFF ME I DRINK IN *MODERATION (*moderation being a fictional place that exists after 7 beers.)
Casseau (H)
I AM NO LONGER PERFECT I THINK I NEED STITCHES
I'll tell you something! Fonzi was a fraud. If you kick a juke box expecting music to play, you're just going to break it.
what is a fo shizzle
AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON DR. QUINN THE MEDICINE WOMAN
You could sit her beside Hitler and she'd still look like a bitch.
I know it's hard to believe, but you're actually uglier on the inside than you are the outside.
BAR ROOM HERO
Santa? Satan? The transition into finally combining both holidays into one commercial event wouldn't be as hard as you think.
NO BEER GOGGLES NECESSARY
Leukocyte Pronunciation: 'lü-k&-"sIt Function: noun : WHITE BLOOD CELL
Hey! a) Light a match, b) Burn your vagina. Thx.
I know this is gonna shock some of you but I need to come clean about the truth. Guys, I'm not really a church minister.
Kids? I can't have kids. Yeah it's uhhh.. hereditary. Sorry Katie.
Well, Paris Hilton is still alive. 2007 is off to a bad start.
Sorry Microsoft. It's just that I needed that $299 for FOOD and WATER and basically the essentials to live.
ha, ha. ok. so who the hell signed me up for a 3 day trip to cradle mountain wilderness village in australia.
WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? not shamefully market himself on tons of shitty merchandise that's for sure.
"I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this." -- Michael Richards aka Kramer after shouting out "nigger" 7 times.
You know what your laugh sounds like? not "haha" or "hehe", it's more like. hmm. oh yeah; "I'm a selfish bitch!"
That's like the 9th time i've been called Satan today! I'd just make a joke about it, but I think we all know the truth by now.
Hey! come closer. I wanna stick this "May cause vomiting and nausea" sticker on your forehead -- you know, just incase.
You want irony? I'll give you irony. I have a dress shirt that makes me look like a church pastor, now that's irony.
http://www.popsicle.com/activities/comics/jack_comic.cfm
Bruising your ego one day at a time.
It's totally unrelated to my planned trip to Paraguay but I learned today the age of consent in Paraguay is 13.
5 more days of free health-care. $50 says 2007 will be a year I break a record amount of bones and catch all sorts of pandemics.
genetics was my homeboy dawggg. that guy was always there for me for everything. ;D;D;D
Marrying Katie is kinda like winning the lottery. It looks and sounds good at first, but after a couple months and taxes..
SHAUN IS LIVING PROOF OUR MOM HAD AN AFFAIR SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD
POSING IN PICTURES LIKE THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU LOOK ANY SMARTER
prodigy hilarious beautiful clever quick witted intelligent non-judgmental compassionate thought provoking god or just dave works
Sarah Silverman? She's that beautiful, slightly racist funny girl. You just look like her, you're not as funny. But as racist..
haha come onnn, mustaches are sexy. Look at who wear them; George Clooney, Sean Connery, uh.. all those cops from 1970's movies.
http://myworld.ebay.com/alexzanderssight WHY THE FUCK IS HE TRYING TO CONTACT ME HE LOOKS LIKE THAT BURGLAR FROM HOME ALONE
© Raising the bar in internet lewdness, hilarity, satire, blasphemy, intelligence and stupidity since 2001.
Is it a disturbing memory I have of my parents when they got divorced the first movie my dad took me to see, was Mrs. Doubtfire?
I want proof of God. And if you tell me to just look at a baby's smile I'm gonna kick you in the stomach.
Dear God. I know too many Dan's. Please eliminate.. 4 of them. Thanks.
I ask you to buy Strawberry halls and you buy me POWER MENTHOL. HOW ARE THOSE FLAVOURS EVEN CLOSE TO EACH OTHER!?
You're a Buddhist? That's ok. After we die we can just continue this conversation in heav.. oh wait.
'cause if it looks like a duck and acts like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck. :D
THAT LEWD GRANDMA AT WORK IS LIKE A SICK PUPPY, SHE NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN IN THE MOST INHUMANE WAY POSSIBLE
i learned today that Canadian health care covers breast reductions. i don't want my tax money going towards that.
when i woke up today i made a blueberry, banana and strawberry milkshake and it tasted like oatmeal ... somethings wrong
IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING THEN STAY THE FUCK OFF THE SIDEWALK
I was sent something today from Boner Avenue in Winnipeg. Immature I know, but come on. You'd think someone woulda objected that.
mannn when you look as good as i do nothing you can do to a girl can be considered sexual assault
They say life begins at 40, but they never tell you when it ends. I suppose it's less creepy this way.
http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/3307/scanyu2.jpg ahh the good ol' grade 7 days (H)
$6.85 in tips yesterday! thanks. WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO BUY FOR A BUNCH OF QUARTERS YOU CHEAP FUCKS
i was accused of robbing a fast food restaurant earlier today
I find that cystic fibrosis commercials where that chicks breathing all heavy strangely erotic.
I was warned for "vehemently mocking" Superstore's standard store security procedures and practices. Is that even a real crime!?
http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b67/orangerhymeswithsyringe/cindy.jpg WHICH ONES MICHAEL AND WHICH ONES CINDY?!
anyone notice as a kid when you mixed coke + bubblegum + blueberry + sourgreen + grape in a slurpee it'd still taste like coke?
I think the only thing even remotely female Shaun's come close to touching is the queen in chess. ^o)
I told some kid wearing a Calgary flames jeresy to ask his dad why he doesn't love him today.
Julie* disgusts me, holy. *= SHES BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH DUMP HER ALREADY MIKE SHES A BITCH
I LOOK LIKE A TWELVE YEAR OLD NOW WITHOUT MY BEARD THX SHANNON
If a God truly existed I would have been born sterile.
GORD STEINKE ALMOST RAN OVER ME WITH HIS JEEP
University starts soon! Instead of having to wake up at 7 am to work two jobs I can quit one and get to sleep until.. 7 am now.
Your two cents isn't worth shit! seriously. I sent it in for prognosis and they responded back saying it's actually worth -$5.94
according to my grandmothers will i'm the only grandchild who is supposed to inherit her... $300 worth of thimbles
I just saw a commercial for Ivan Timings Retard Eliminator. You know he could have named his product better.
It's not the skirt that makes you look fat, it's your fat that makes you look fat. There I said it.
buying sleep
i probably look like a psycho to the people on ebay seeing how my last 3 purchases have been a shot glass and two knives
I'd love to stick around but I can't! I have things to do, people to see. Or was that people to do and things to see? either way.
Seriously though, I don't have any problems with gay people. Unless you count my many problems with gay people. Stephen Colbert
Why did you have to be the fastest? oh why couldn't you have been among the 60 million others who died in your mothers uterus?
Ok, you're right. I guess Madonna is sexy.. but that doesn't change the fact she's looked the same way since 1964. It's creepy.
my dog had a california nectarine sticker stuck on her ears for some reason
I now know how Maddox feels when people constantly bitch about him having to be funny all the time.
Bush would make a pretty good rapist. Seeing how he doesn't understand the words "no", "don't" and "stop."
SOMEBODY GIVE BUSH A BLOW JOB SO WE CAN IMPEACH HIM ALREADY
QUIT HITTING ON ME I'M NOT AVAILABLE yet
Yeah? yeah? alright. Dude, bad news. The nursing home just called. The last person that found you funny just died.
Fat chinese girls, now there's something you don't see a lot of these days
I keep the tepic in pedantic! Just like Terry keeps both the hermit and crabs in.. hermit crabs. ^o)
FATCAT
Connie and Percy aren't in love they're vandals. I fucking see that Connie (L)'s Percy shit written everywhere outside.
7 people on my list (L) Stephanie. I can't help but wonder...
BOTH A BUTTERFLY AND A DRAGONFLY FLEW INTO MY EYE TODAY WTF IS WRONG WITH MOTHER NATURE
Why don't we just skip what I think and jump right ahead to not having sex for a month?
"Massage" parlour. If that place down the block wrote "massage" in quotes like that they could probably triple their business.
AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD THAT LIKES GRILLED TOMATO AND MAYO SANDWICHES?!!?
once when i was 13 i wrote penis across this guys truck. ah good times.
Can you imagine how much overtime my guardian angel has probably worked to stop people like God from killing me?
"You're so amazing with animals David..", "Animals? stretch that animals into everything."
WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP WAKING UP AT EXACTLY 7:44 AM
Photo albums just remind us who is dead, who is dying and who is going to die.
Tickle me Elmo, Pogs, Oilers fans. Who would have ever guessed one of those 90's fads would come back this year?
Jon Lovitz is living proof you don't need looks, a sense of humor, personality or any talent at all to succeed in show business!
Some things just aren't funny. Death, unexpected pregnancy, suicide, Larson....
Hey, God! get back to me when you can. My brilliance is becoming somewhat of a burden.
ANIMALS ARE OUR FRIENDS NOT OUR SOULMATES
Grade 2 math was so fucked. "Jimmy has 7 apples.." wait, wait, WHO THE HELL WALKS AROUND WITH 7 APPLES!?
But one night stands *are* just another way of saying I love you. I swear.
Flights to Trinidad are probably so cheap since 95% of the people who go there either get robbed or murdered and never come back.
Stuart was like the Barry Bonds of minor league baseball. Not because he could hit homeruns -- but because no one liked him.
If you believe in magic, hey great. I'll hook you up with my 5 year old cousin and you two can discuss Santa or something.
$10 TO THE ONE WHO CAN SEAL ME IN ICE FOR THE NEXT 60 DAYS
Asking your new girlfriends family if that's new toilet paper really isn't the greatest dinner conversation man.
.-~*(L)(f)§å®ähßêá®(w)(u)*~-. says: you should get into modeling :) // and you should lay off the crack :)
KELLY OSBOURNE IMITATORS/LOOK-ALIKES DON'T BE PROUD OF YOURSELF
I'm so good at barbecuing the cattle die and go to heaven.. after I finish grilling them. (H)
We should change our cities/teams slogan from "you're in oil country!" before Bush tries to invade us. ^o)
"You know how I know you're gay? you have a rainbow bumper sticker that says I like it when balls are in my face.", "THATS gay!?" (the 40 year old virgin)
Looking on the back of a McDonalds fry box and noticing it was copyrighted in 2001 is always reassuring.
You just don't know when to shut your mouth do you? Although.. if you got into the right business it could be profitable.
Remember those (f)'s you stuck in your MSN name honoring the Tsunami victims? yeah? well where are they now? huh?!
Rachel taught me how to be ge.. gen.. generous? Is that what it's called?
A busty blonde with a brain in a shower scene, what more can you ask for man?!
Lesbians, angels. I still can't see where the difference between them is.
so on an entirely different note i bet by tomorrow everyone here will think i have sex with the elderly
"What do we do!?", "Wait a second.. everyone knows pterodactyls can't stand the screech of a guitar!" (Family Guy)
hagfish need love too
Animal sex is one of the most searched phrases in Pakistan. Remind me to never bring my dog there, ever.
50 cent won a song writing award!?! That's like giving Andrea Yates parent of the year.
PMS, pregnancy, cervical cancer, yeast infections.. I once thought we had faults to, but we don't, god gave them all to you ahah.
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DATING SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN YOU AND SETTING OFF AMBER ALERTS CAUSE SHES SO FUCKING YOUNG MIKE
Dear God, please save me from your followers. Thanks.
$50 says one of the kids born today (06/06/06) will be crucified or something within the next 20 years.
You keep saying God loves you but that just isn't true. I don't love you. I don't even like you.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HANG A PICTURE OF JESUS IN YOUR BATHROOM THAT'S JUST CREEPY
So do you embrace everyone with open legs?
For only 6¢ a pound that "100% quality beef!" sticker on the package better damn well mean it.
I wonder what handicapped parking is like at the Special Olympics?
If Branflakes reflect whats in that cereal I don't wanna know whats in Honey Nut Cheerios.
So.. our MP's wanna take a $200000 trip to study legalized prostitution. They give a whole new meaning to the term working hard.
They should just add a new entry under plagiarized: "Everything funny Ryan says cause he keeps stealing Daves jokes." :
NO ONE LIKES BUFFALO
I have $23.77 in spare change in my wallet. I think my clever plan to reduce getting change has failed slightly.
All our city needs now is a beach that isn't lethally toxic and we'd be set for summer.
While you're looking up conundrum why don't you check out the definition of sarcastic as well? ^o)
Sorry Alyssia. It's just sometimes I forget you have no HEART or SOUL.
Michael Jackson has accused the courts of picking on him because he's black.
I find it disturbing there's an entry about what to do if you've caught syphilis on the national kids health website.
Anyone remember those PJ days when we came to school in pajamas? *that's* probably the reason why teachers are fucking students.
"Dude, Clark Kent can cook hamburgers with his eyes, you think he could be Superman?", "nah.. just talented."
"I used the n-word instead of Trevor," Vanbiesbrouck explained. [how does that even happen..?] "yo coach", "hey tre..nigger." ?!
SLANDER FREE FOR 0 DAYS
De Beers should change their logo to a silhouette of a girl kneeling and their slogan to "Diamonds, she damn well better by now." (family guy, sort of)
fried chicken parts, battered ham, crusty buns.... food sure sounded cooler back when i was a kid
Sure, your shirt says princess.. but your face says whore.
www.nice-tits.org is a very misleading webpage.
Is it coincidence Judge Judy Sheindlin rhymes with 63 year old intact hymen? .. I think not.
LARSON I STILL HAVE YOUR HOODY HERE AND IF YOU DON'T COME PICK IT UP BY TOMORROW I'M SELLING IT TO OLD NAVY FOR $10
I was sent something today from Boner Avenue in Winnipeg. Immature I know, but come on. You'd think someone woulda objected that.
I am now completely convinced Aebischer would make a better hooker than a goalie with all the shit he lets inbetween his legs.
We gotta find a bar with a different name. Saying we're going to Fabio's tonight to get hammered doesn't come out like it should.
We could be superheros Katie. My secret identity could be .. The Insidious Pirate, and you can be my loyal sidekick, Smegma girl.
Note to self: never borrow Alyssia's chapsick again. I looked like a freak putting "Melon Melody" on my lips yesterday. :
Hey now, I gave you the option of breakfast in bed. It isn't my fault though you didn't wanna sleep in the kitchen.
If "Mike" and "hilarious" are written beside eachother does that qualify as an oxymoron? :D
If you think butterflies and rainbows are special you should see my dick.
Don't tell me to shut up while I'm interrupting you.
The king of things best left unsaid. xD
All i'm saying is with a dead parrot those exorbitant vet bills you always complain about are bound to decrease.
When will our generation realize Jennifer Lopez sings about as good as Christopher Reeves can square dance?
Man, my dog gets out more than you... and he's fixed.
For someone of his religious stature, Billy Graham sure looks eerily satanic.
We should form an anti-soccer mom association.
I've made more eyes roll and heads shake than epilepsy and parkinsons combined.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing.
We figure the depths of hell will have pirates, gargoyles, nagas, demons.. and women telling their best jokes around the clock.
haha wow, sucks to be on death row in oklahoma. if you can't be injected or electricuted the only other option is a firing squad.
"It's also good to know that they're made with 100% non-hydrongenated canola oil", ya cause that's what I look for everytime i buy food.
Ok, call me a stereotypical ass if you must, but I find it ironic you're asian Wayne and you've set your name to "Science Fair!!!"
Why would you do a presentation about food in Africa? one of the major problems Africa has is not having any food.
Why does America have a chain of home furnishing stores called "Badcocks"?
If a decent bra size equalled intelligence, 95% of you would be geniuses. ^o)
ya, cause when i specifically asked for cinnamon toast crunch i meant pick me up oatmeal crisp instead. thanks mike. (y)
PULL A JENNIFER WILBANKS NIKKI AND RUN YOU'RE TOO FUCKING YOUNG TO BE GETTIN' MARRIED
(nah) if this goat was a goat in real-life he'd probably be unpopular.
Relax dude, marriage concerns are completely normal. Besides, I'm sure one day you'll make some girl a very lucky third husband.
If hurricanes are considered an act of god, god must be really pissed off at America this year.
Johnny says: i just ate canned ham (h)
Colorado lost 4-3 against the Oilers today. Excuse me while I go hang myself.
Mike says: dude it was more like, fireworks + dave = deadly situation.
Oh man, I'm a fucking dumbass. I instinctively tried to catch an iron I accidently knocked off the ironing board this morning. xD
Bill Cosby says: fuck bill cosby
<- intellectual poison. One day karma's gonna catch up with me and he's gonna kick my fucking ass. IF I KNEW WHO OWNED THAT KOKANEE VAN A BLOCK AWAY I'D BE WASTED ALL THE TIME Has anyone seen that library commercial with that chick "Amy"? .. I bet after it aired her friends said, "you're a girl?!" You know you live in Canada when your little cousins halloween costume is also her winter jacket... 10 years in a row. Love is.. not supposed to be dictated by two 8 year old naked kids that's for sure. WHY WASN'T HE ARRESTED DRAWING THOSE COMICS!? Is there some sort of poison gas that we can make that'll only affect annoying 10-14 year olds So, Brad Pitt is in Edmonton this week filming for a new movie. $50 says once he's done he'll never visit Edmonton again. My baby cousin can say "kitty", "chicken", "fish", "epicoracohumeraler", .... haha nah I joke, she can't really say "kitty". www.walletowl.com has to be the best infomercial ever. If movies can influence a generation or race, I wonder how many black kids bought pacifiers after watching boys in the hood. You know the more I look back on it the more i'm convinced it's a miracle we never got to use our babysitters licenses. I'm just saying sometimes my dick is as smart as my brain, and if you've always wanted to have my brain for a day, well.. DID DAKOTA FANNING EAT RAZOR BLADES OR SOMETHING AS A KID CAUSE WHEN SHE SMILES IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING IS DYING IN HER MOUTH Hey guys, I have a small request today. If your MSN name starts with "M" and ends with "ike", don't message me! :D I think i'll start murdering the christians who tell me i'm going to hell, just so they can have the satisfaction of being right. I MAY HAVE ALZHEIMERS BUT AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMERS Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes! Read it a couple times. i'm so clever. Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder. (futurama)
Charlie Brown has to be the biggest loser in the world. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. (Chris Rock)
Bible or not, 'kneeling' and 'disappearing into Jesus' shouldn't ever be in the same sentence.
I wonder how many unsuspecting star struck people Richard Dawson gave mono to? Subject: "wut is tha krunkest color" / "REP THE ZODIAC SIGN LEO" / "Rep Yo Bra Size !" <- I like how that guy tried to fit in. haha oh man Sega apparently means masturbate in italian The very first bomb dropped by the allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. bahaha. (pi)(tu) haha he's eating. Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade. The VOLCANO RABBIT, which often lives on [in]active volcanos 8000-13000 feet above ground, is *somehow* an endangered species! :O If you're having a weird vaginal discharge that's white and clumpy, you might have something called a yeast infection. Dikephobia is the fear of justice. I can honestly say I didn't expect it to mean that. So I said to the hobo, "ha, yeah, like you could beat me in a violin duel pal." If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong hey then I don't wanna be right. (Futurama again)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/d_vo/9937.html -- Anonymous is my hero.
Yeah, because that freaky t('.'t) face makes your online fuck you seem even more rebellious.
People with 36ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ chests need to die. seriously.
WHY THE FUCK IS THE QUAIL CONSIDERED A FOOD IN AMERICA
Male deer masturbate by rubbing their antlers on a tree or on the ground, which swiftly produces an erection and ejaculation.
I just hope and pray after I die God doesn't end up being a woman. If she is i'll be fucked in more than one way. (h)
Johnny says: u just sign in, and u go afk, why not just stay offline you fucking jackass
Sorry Katie! I swear to god though I thought you were wearing one of those braille name tags.
Cannibalism is not a recognized offence under German law. (Some law website)
You call it a drinking problem, I call it a reality exit strategy. (A random quotes page)
Something tells me the scientists who discovered and named the Sperm and Humpback whales weren't very chaste people.
I hate to say it boys.. but the 1998 special education class had a better school photo than we did in our grade 5-6 year.
Save $10.00 off with a coupon for mole extermination
"Niggardly" is a genuine english word which is defined as "Grudging and petty in giving or spending." ............... how ironic.
I can so see Bob Barker haggling grocery store clerks over the actual retail price of a can of soup.
Currently 9 people on my list have (u)'s in their MSN names. haha@unrequited love.
So, yesterday I accidently withdrew $800 instead of $80 at the gas station ATM. That wasn't very cool.
I find it kinda ironic a black guy starred in that oldschool show, "Reading Rainbow".
Sigmund Freud is mentioned in the following topics: Freudian (Science), Psychoanalytic School, Hysteria (Science), Penis envy
"(l)Sarah", "I (l) Kayla" etc, everyone has love in their names... I suppppose I can do the same. I (l) fellatio!
Call me pessimistic but.. I think it's about time our city changed our "City of Champions" slogan to something more realistic.
Michael Jackson went to see the play "Billy Elliot" a week ago, which is a play about a young boy.. he makes this too easy.
It'd be kinda funny if Pope #112, theologically predicted by St. Malachy as the sole antichrist, turned out to be black.
I think I'm gonna die today and everyone who hurt me's gonna pay says: sandwich is good :P
Leslie Nielson has perfected the arts of anti-aging and longevity.
THE FUCKING SPACE KEY IS THE BIGGEST KEY ON THE KEYBOARD WHY ARE YOU UNABLE TO HIT IT
Frans Drescher laughs like a woodpecker.
I wonder just how many of our mothers bought those little pink barbells expecting lean muscular results.
LET'S GO SHOOT HOOPS SOMEONE AND YES I AM AWARE IT LOOKS LIKE TORNADOS ARE GONNA TOUCH DOWN OUTSIDE
i think i damaged the part of my brain that controls how long you sleep for drinking yesterday
Kickass country songs; if such a genre does exist someone do recommend a few.
If it wasn't for the pick pockets, Addison would have no sex life. (h)
Why is Craig Ferguson still on the air? He's bombed more jokes than hitlers killed jews.
u look so sweet like angel u wana chat to have fun and talk about sex and show me ur brast add me to chat msn aha-010@hotmail.com
I could crash my car into an ambulance and it'd still take an ambulance like 17 minutes to get there.
Menarche, anarchy.. come on it's not a coincidence those two words are almost (spelt) exactly the same.
DEBRA LEFAVE IS A HERO TO SOCIETY
"I can never find extra-small condoms [...]" - Enrique Iglesias.
I'd just agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
As the holidays are approaching; I feel the need to warn everyone about how common (in)visible bugs in chocolate actually are! =D
I just hope and pray Boughner and Semin don't end up playing together on the same team some day.
ahahahaha, one of my ancestors was allegedly a pirate who stole over 10000 fish from a french merchant ship in harbour grace.
SAKIC I LOVE YOU I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I DO
WET -- the very reason why there's no abbreviated White Entertainment Television network like BET.
Daisy does America has to be the most misleading show title ever.
"Friendship is colorblind!" ................ until he steals your stereo.
How do you comb your hair in the morning so it actually covers up the horns? (Scrubs)
The more I look at old school pictures.. the more I realize I had no idea what a haircut was until grade 7.
The tin of cookies my grandma bought me for Christmas.. look more expensive than our house.
uhh... underwater womens hockey. i wonder if thats actually considered a sport over a twisted hockey fetish
Can you drink an ice cold kid while watching the game? I didn't think so.. which is why I support beer over kids. (h)
haha what the, since we last attended our old church (8-10 years ago) two people who also attended it are now in jail.
Women need us just as much as we need them. Why? Because we can do the job and you can't take a battery home to meet your mother. (married with children! ;D)
I shower with Suave because Herbal Essences doesn't describe me as perfectly.
They say if a girl loves you, they'll laugh at all your jokes. I've never been able to tell if someone loved me or not. (h)
All forms of hockey commentary should be banned when Alexander Semin is on the ice.
Orchids, tulips, lilies, dahlias.. keep putting shit on your tampon boxes, not like it'll make you feel better every month. xD
You'll never meet anyone else like you.. and don't take that as a compliment.
"God is dead -- Nietzsche." ... "Nietzsche is dead -- God."
Do you have PMS today or are you always this bitchy?
I asked Weird Al for free money and he said no.
I care about your health :) that's why i've decided and go into cytopathology to learn how to issue pap smears and mammograms.
"Classy" if you exclude lewd, vulgar, "are you fucking insane dave?", bastard and sadistic, has always been my middle name.
Oh man Dan.. in the era of ninja turtles, power rangers and mighty ducks .. why did you have to pick my little pony?
ahahahahaha whiskey shot outta larsons nose. :D pussssssssssy couldn't handle a shot.
^o)£ãr§ôñï§t(H) says: unless you change that name right now i will tell ryan you don't wanna play on his team
What do you mean I have a horrible taste in selecting epic movies? "Gay Niggers from Outer Space" sounded promising to me.
And if over 80% of America struggles with obesity.. in 30 years from now who's gonna replace the retired firefighters?
I wonder when Bush's approval rating is going to sink lower than his IQ. It's like at 31% now? You'd think it'd happen by now.
So, Wayne, yanno' being Asian and all.. have you ever gone to someones house and fought off an urge to eat their cat?
I'd still love you if you became blind, like you'd still love me even if I had a threesome with your two bestfriends.. right.
I'd just ask you to swear over a bible or something but I know how that contact with holy stuff makes your skin sizzle.
The only way I'm buying another new huge ass TV in the future is if it weighs even less than Mary-Kate Olson does. :]
Thanks for your heartfelt sentiments, but if I ever really gave a fuck about anything I sure as hell wouldn't ask you about it.
Sex.com is the closest you've ever come to a virgin, or.. the keyboard is if you want that delivered even more tastelessly.
haha oh man Sega apparently means masturbate in italian
Why the hell is there a Miss Jalapeño beauty pageant?
Why did they keep a lifeguard at the top of that 80 foot waterslide, anyway?
Angels do exist! they're just more commonly referred to as lesbians though.
The only way this flight could get any cheaper is if you got on it.
Jodie and I found like a dead body or some shit yesterday.
Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? / A: 1 U.S. leader xD (Some joke page)
As if Ford wasn't deadly enough, they had to hire that fucking psycho off of phone booth to voice their commercials.
"Sharks only attack humans when they confuse humans as food." ... and remind me again, exactly what else do sharks see us as?
If I see you in Heaven it's because I found out how to break in
Peñíscola has to be the most horribly named city in the world.
Johnny's mom has scored more than Wayne Gretzky and Gordie Howe combined. (h)
Oh my God it's like you can read my mind --- you're right, I didn't fucking care.
giddy up says: there is a really sweet side to u // giddy up says: just admit it..
God? a female..? ahahhahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahaha I mean ya it's possible.
I know a lot of moms that play hockey too... you know, just so they can say they still score once and a while.
If I had a dime for every dime I have I'd still be poor.
My dad grew up in Canada in the 70's. If you wanna know what Canada was like in the 70's, visit it now.
"Illegal", funny how that word continues to sum up Bush and his administrations actions every week.
"Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me!(8)" they really coulda made that more crustacean and/or sea related
And it was only yesterday while playing road hockey I accidently stumbled upon the fact I am a god.
Jag heter David och har okontrollerat sex med taggbuskar
You've had your personal message set to "shower" for over a day now.. and we all know you don't take them that often.
Comments
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http://www.anchorbayentertainment.com/roseanne << If that doesn't say "I'm desperate for work" I have no idea what does.
It must be fun going from amazingly horny to euphorically happy to clinically depressed all in under two minutes. God bless PMS.
I just hope they serve beer in hell.
Mike says: I'm a cheap bastard (h) // .... no argument from me there.
If I was ever involved in politics my mouth would get me assassinated so fast.
What part of "don't say it" did you not understand? was it the "don't" or the "say it"? help me out here man.
I like the smell of bleach, ajax, gasoline and permanent markers. Somehow I think liking them all relate to eachother.
David in hebrew means "beloved", Desdemona is greek for "of the devil". I wonder if my parents ever mixed those up..
I don't make fun of stupid people. I just make sure everyone realizes how stupid they actually are.
Bob Saget apparently played the sound of "Zoo Animal" in the 2005 movie Madagascar.
Oh oh oh, 3-0. na na na na, na na na naaa, heyy eyy eyy, gooood byyeee (8) see ya next year Dallas. :D.
i coulda slept with a family of porcupines in a bed full of diseased syringes and still woke up feeling better than i feel today
Oh I'm sorry, it would appear I've left my sense of humour in your girlfriends diaphragm again.
I wish I was still oblivious to the fact cow uterus is considered a delicacy in some parts of the world.
What, you expected this to be funny?
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was the rest of the ones supposed to be there.