Random thought:
Damn you Cupid, leave me the hell alone.
-
A prostitute hit on me today.
.. yep.
I'm not entirely sure whether or not I believe in the theory of reincarnation but if the concept behind it is real I seriously must have pissed off God in my last life. I can't remember his name off the top of my head but I'm pretty sure I would have been that fellow who devised his own religion which belittled(?) God and had like 40 university kids drink poisoned punch and kill themselves. I'm always the victim of bad luck and karma.
There was probably at least eighty other people (we were at Red's) sitting around us and she still walked up to me, as far as I know only me and offered me a free "full frontal massage". I said no thanks, despite the fact all the friends I was sitting me were kicking me under the table as if to say GO, GO. She walked away and told me she owned the massage parlor only three doors down if I changed my mind before we decided to head home. I was thinking in my mind, you know.. it might have been a little (A LITTLE!) more sane if she didn't state she was a prostitute by profession. Considering she was physically responsible for the ejaculation of perhaps 50 men by the time this evening rolled around, ... and if we assume 50 is an average figure in her line of daily work and if we do the basic math, hm let's see here.. 215 days have passed so far this year.
215 x 50 = 10750 men.
It makes me wonder if her normal clientele has ever done the math themselves..?
And to a lesser degree if even one of them remains STD free.
Know what's another thing I should really start saying NO to? Panhandlers. They can walk up to me with syringes sticking out of all their vital organs, smelling of Bailey's while wearing the damn Bailey's bottle as a makeshift hat, missing 96% of all their teeth because they've drank every night the last 44 years and flat out tell me "any money you give me I will purchase mountains of cocaine with later on" and for some damn reason I still empty out my wallet for them. I think I just feel bad for the homeless. I'm paid very well at my new (and old) job and have never felt financial strains or burdens yet.. so I generally take chances of them even if I know they'll turn around and buy drugs with my money. Someone walked up to me and asked me tonight if I wanted to buy a "chicken jokes book". I was like uhh.... but I said sure anyway. I've actually seen him before and I'm pretty sure around last Christmas bought another "joke book" from him. I KNOW he's a druggie he WILL buy drugs and yet still. I begrudgingly accepted his offer.
Here's a few reasons why you should never buy CHICKEN JOKE BOOKS.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Internet?
A: It wanted to get to the other site!
(Horrible.. and yet sadly, probably the best chicken joke in here.)
"A chicken goes into a library and says, "Bok," so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in again and says "Bok bok." The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken ,"Redit, redit!"
(See?)
Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
A: She lays hand gren-eggs!
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
(My guess is a .... rooster.)
A: An alarm cluck!
(Oh God.)
Q: What does an alarm cluck say?
A: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!"
(I'm getting pretty tired of the playful puns on words here. Just because hen and cluck can be used satirically to imply some sort of punch line doesn't mean it's clever. It's completely egg-asperating. HAHAHAHA.Man that was beyond terrible.)
Q: Why did the rooster stay outside dring the blizzard?
A: It was "FOWL" weather!!!!!
(Sadly "dring" isn't a typo up made by me up there, that's actually how they wrote it in the book. I think the writers just gave up on the quality of this joke from the start. Ok, yeah, I understand the fowl weather part but shouldn't it have been didn't? Why the hell would a rooster want to stay outside in temperatures -40 celsius below what they're used to? And don't tell me this is a joke for innocent kids to tell their parents. If my future kids ever told me something like this I'd hit them upside the head with a rolled up newspaper and tell them to go to their rooms until I stopped feeling so full of shame.)
Q: What is Superchicken's real identity?
A: Cluck Kent!
(ALRIGHT. I think we've seen about enough of Mr. Book by now.)
I should probably get to sleep. I have to open tomorrow morning despite closing tonight. I hate the schedule maker at work.. which is ironically me. See? Karma strikes again. Even though I have a beautiful, exquisite water bed which is so comfortable I've slept in a really ghetto fashion the last few nights. Flat on my back with a heating pad on the.. basement floor. I'm really really weird. I don't know why, but whenever I wake up after sleeping on cement I feel so free of tension. I can only state again I'm really weird.
... really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really weird.
Damn you Cupid, leave me the hell alone.
-
A prostitute hit on me today.
.. yep.
I'm not entirely sure whether or not I believe in the theory of reincarnation but if the concept behind it is real I seriously must have pissed off God in my last life. I can't remember his name off the top of my head but I'm pretty sure I would have been that fellow who devised his own religion which belittled(?) God and had like 40 university kids drink poisoned punch and kill themselves. I'm always the victim of bad luck and karma.
There was probably at least eighty other people (we were at Red's) sitting around us and she still walked up to me, as far as I know only me and offered me a free "full frontal massage". I said no thanks, despite the fact all the friends I was sitting me were kicking me under the table as if to say GO, GO. She walked away and told me she owned the massage parlor only three doors down if I changed my mind before we decided to head home. I was thinking in my mind, you know.. it might have been a little (A LITTLE!) more sane if she didn't state she was a prostitute by profession. Considering she was physically responsible for the ejaculation of perhaps 50 men by the time this evening rolled around, ... and if we assume 50 is an average figure in her line of daily work and if we do the basic math, hm let's see here.. 215 days have passed so far this year.
215 x 50 = 10750 men.
It makes me wonder if her normal clientele has ever done the math themselves..?
And to a lesser degree if even one of them remains STD free.
Know what's another thing I should really start saying NO to? Panhandlers. They can walk up to me with syringes sticking out of all their vital organs, smelling of Bailey's while wearing the damn Bailey's bottle as a makeshift hat, missing 96% of all their teeth because they've drank every night the last 44 years and flat out tell me "any money you give me I will purchase mountains of cocaine with later on" and for some damn reason I still empty out my wallet for them. I think I just feel bad for the homeless. I'm paid very well at my new (and old) job and have never felt financial strains or burdens yet.. so I generally take chances of them even if I know they'll turn around and buy drugs with my money. Someone walked up to me and asked me tonight if I wanted to buy a "chicken jokes book". I was like uhh.... but I said sure anyway. I've actually seen him before and I'm pretty sure around last Christmas bought another "joke book" from him. I KNOW he's a druggie he WILL buy drugs and yet still. I begrudgingly accepted his offer.
Here's a few reasons why you should never buy CHICKEN JOKE BOOKS.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Internet?
A: It wanted to get to the other site!
(Horrible.. and yet sadly, probably the best chicken joke in here.)
"A chicken goes into a library and says, "Bok," so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in again and says "Bok bok." The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken ,"Redit, redit!"
(See?)
Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
A: She lays hand gren-eggs!
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
(My guess is a .... rooster.)
A: An alarm cluck!
(Oh God.)
Q: What does an alarm cluck say?
A: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!"
(I'm getting pretty tired of the playful puns on words here. Just because hen and cluck can be used satirically to imply some sort of punch line doesn't mean it's clever. It's completely egg-asperating. HAHAHAHA.
Q: Why did the rooster stay outside dring the blizzard?
A: It was "FOWL" weather!!!!!
(Sadly "dring" isn't a typo up made by me up there, that's actually how they wrote it in the book. I think the writers just gave up on the quality of this joke from the start. Ok, yeah, I understand the fowl weather part but shouldn't it have been didn't? Why the hell would a rooster want to stay outside in temperatures -40 celsius below what they're used to? And don't tell me this is a joke for innocent kids to tell their parents. If my future kids ever told me something like this I'd hit them upside the head with a rolled up newspaper and tell them to go to their rooms until I stopped feeling so full of shame.)
Q: What is Superchicken's real identity?
A: Cluck Kent!
(ALRIGHT. I think we've seen about enough of Mr. Book by now.)
I should probably get to sleep. I have to open tomorrow morning despite closing tonight. I hate the schedule maker at work.. which is ironically me. See? Karma strikes again. Even though I have a beautiful, exquisite water bed which is so comfortable I've slept in a really ghetto fashion the last few nights. Flat on my back with a heating pad on the.. basement floor. I'm really really weird. I don't know why, but whenever I wake up after sleeping on cement I feel so free of tension. I can only state again I'm really weird.
... really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really weird.
Comments
they look like this
http://www.chaffey.edu/asl/asl_a-z.jpg
and the other side says I am deaf and cannot speak, thank you for supporting me.
I have so many but don't know where I put them.
I probably prefer this more than your book of attempted jokes; more useful!
for some strange, devoid reason it kinda makes me wonder how hard foreplay would be in sign language though, especially since some like C and O look almost similar.
too far. ;D